Barack Obama: …and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States.

"Hail to the Chief" plays and a 21 gun salute commences.


John Roberts: Mr. President, are you okay?

Obama: (Continues laughing maniacally)

Joe Biden: (Grins smugly)


Obama rips off his suit revealing a two headed beast made up of Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden and the number 666 emblazoned in blood across its chest.

Obama: Did you think it was just a coincidence? Barack HUSSEIN OBAMA?! OBAMA OSAMA? Wow, you people are so gullible.

Joe Biden: (Continues grinning smugly)

Obama: And now for my first act as President…

Obama pulls out a small device with a dial on it labeled "Taxonator"

Obama: With just a turn of a know I will now take all your hard earned money and give it to gang members and illegal immigrants, which will then use that money to buy rims and chains made from aborted fetuses! MUAHAHA!

Joe the Plumber: Goddammit, I won't stand for this, I've never paid taxes before, and I'll be damned if I start now!

Obama: Quiet you!

A black man promptly beats Joe the Plumber then carves a backwards B into his face

Dammit, how many times to I have to tell you the B goes the other way! Oh well, once I send you to Harvard on the taxpayers bill, you'll learn. And now, for a little something my friend Bill Ayers taught me…

Obama grabs the Bible he was sworn in on, wraps it in a flag, sets it on fire and hurls it as far as he can, landing in the center of the Pentagon and engulfing it in flames.

Joe Biden:
(Continues grinning smugly)

And now… oh shit! What time is it? Which way is Mecca?
Obama lays down prostrate and starts praying to Allah. Above the capital building a helicopter circles.

Helicopter Pilot:
Now's your chance, Governor.

Sarah Palin:
You betcha! (Aims rifle at the beast and fires)


Sean Hannity: (Wakes up in a cold sweat) Oh thank God it was all a dream… (turns on TV to show Barack Obama being sworn in) Oh god no… (pulls gun to head, fires)

Joe Biden: (Grins smugly)