Good to the last drop, at which point it becomes excruciating.

If Waldo is always trying to hide why doesn't he wear clothes that don't stand out as much?
-Derek Husar
Politically Correct
This must be how white people felt when George Washington became President.
-Tim C
What's the point of daylight savings? It seems like such a waste of time.
-John Doll
My ex-girlfriend was the kind of girl who could "stop traffic", especially given her low body mass and propensity to argue near busy intersections.
-Conor McKeon
Not-quite-good advice
Friends don't let friends drink, and drive.
-Patrick Cassels
3 Reasons to skip math classes
1: You can do all this on a calculator 2: You'll never use this unless you're a math teacher
-Quinn Dougherty
The hook to Katy Perry's less-popular single
"I Kissed a Girl, But Then I Realized That Bisexual Experiences Probably Weren't For Me "
-Jesse F
I used to think adults were awesome, until I learned what "Phone tag" really was
-Adam Sharaf
Oh I think you like me
No matter how straight you think someone is, always remember that they are a half-bisexual.
-Prabhu Patil
Dr. Proverb
Laughter is the best medicine, unless you're suffering from severe bronchitis.
-Ryan Shelley
All it will take is one hateful, spite-filled seeing eye dog at an intersection to ruin it for the rest of them.
-Heather Bergman
Hunter: What do you want to do for dinner? Gatherer: Let's go out to eat.
-Matt Vita