Alright, this week we're not f*cking around. I know what you guys want, and I'm here to deliver. Here is a full calendar of famous chicks posing semi-nude. That should satisfy your naked chick appetite for at least another 2 hours. (Egotastic)

Moving on!

Britney Spears made a surprise guest appearance at Madonna's concert this week, which really nailed the 'concerned granddaughter visiting her delusional grandmother in the nursing home' tone Madonna was going for. (Hollywood Tuna)

In other Britney news, her son ended up in the hospital this week with a serious allergic reaction. He accidentally swallowed a vegetable and his body attacked the foreign substance. Doctors quickly injected him with second-hand smoke and he is now in stable condition. (DListed)

Nicole Kidman has signed on to play a post-op tranny in the upcoming 'The Danish Girl,' giving vastly unrealistic expectations to pre-ops everywhere. (DListed)

Lindsay Lohan stepped out this week with a bizarro version of herself. One guess who has the better personality. (Hollywood Tuna)

This week Kanye proclaimed himself as 'the voice of this generation'. Sorry Kanye, blogging in all caps doesn't make you 'the loudest voice.' It just makes you the most annoying. (WWTDD)

Pictures surfaced this week of one of Disney's The Cheetah Girls sans-pants. What is going on at Disney, seriously? The Disney stars are all closet freaks. Fingers crossed Raven Simone is next. (WWTDD)

Hayden Panettiere went out on the town this week in a 'sexy' top. My question to you is – would you rather see a famous chick's pre-pubescent teen boy chest or see no chest at all? (IDLYITW)

Katy Perry slipped a nip this week while performing. Which is pretty cool and all, but more importantly, wtf is going on here? (Egotastic)

Stephen Baldwin achieved uber-creep status this week when he revealed his new tattoo – Miley Cyrus' initials on his chest. Whatever keeps you relevant, Stephen. (DListed)

So remember how Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon randomly got married this summer after dating for only two months? Well consider the mystery solved. This week we learned that Mariah refused to have sex with Nick until after they were married. I should have known. Newton's Third Law, people. (DListed)

This week, Val Kilmer unveiled his vague plans to run for Governor of New Mexico, which I think is awesome. Haven't you guys ever seen The Saint? I would kill for that guy to be my Governor.  The character, not Val himself. (CelebSlam)

Oprah lowered herself to the level of us plebes this week, when she used a port-a-potty for the first time. Wait a minute, didn't Oprah grow up poor in rural Mississippi? How is it possible she never used a port-a-potty? I'm calling BS, Oprah. (CelebSlam)

A Paula Abdul superfan killed herself outside Paula's home this week. Which is sad, because she was the last of a dying breed. (IDLYITW)

Despite obviously dating gal pal Samantha Ronson, Lindsay Lohan vehemently denied her lesbian status this week. In her defense, she also used the word 'colored' in 2008, so clearly she doesn't know how words work. (WWTDD, IDLYITW)

An insane list of rules Madonna uses to raise her kids leaked this week. Among the forbidden items are magazines, TV, DVDs, processed foods, and man-made fibers. Suddenly not having a phone in my room growing up doesn't seem too bad. (CelebSlam)

And last but not least, this week's Still Got It. Despite valiant efforts from Nikki Cox's lips and Kate Hudson's legs, the winner this week is John Travolta and his new 'do. Wild Hogs was a terrible movie, John, not a way of life. Try not to forget that. (Hollywood Tuna, CelebSlam, WWTDD)