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My Grandmother just turned 84 last week. I sent her a birthday card with a check for $10 in it.
How come when a man talks nasty to a woman, it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks nasty to a man it's $3.99 a minute?
All statues are of people riding a horse, and waving a sword. In the future will all statues be of people in cars, waving a sword?
My dog's daily planner1. Sleep
2. Sit on human's face to wake it up
3. Lick own genitalia
5. Poop .a lot.
7. Bark at nothing
8. Poop in the house
9. Lick own anus.
10. Stare at human until it gives me food
I dropped the soap in the shower today. My first thought as I bent down to pick it up was, "I'm really glad I'm not in prison right now." My second thought: "I wonder who is anally raping me "
A shock comedian with a terrible sense of time-The lawyers for the Exxon Valdez are having an easy time in their case. They've already greased all the witnesses
-I recently heard that the pilot of the Hindenberg was drunk when the accident occurred. If I had been there, that would have burned me up.
-Did you hear about President Republibot 5000's invasion of the Xzylon system? All I can say is "1001110101111001001" Am I right?
Sarah Palin thinks Dinosaurs (the TV show) and Cavemen (the TV show) were both on at the same time.