Last Week on Heroes: Last year on Heroes. The episode ended back in the present, though, with Arthur Petrelli digging his liver-spotted fingers into Hiro's facefat…


This Week:
Instead of murderkilling the dorky glasses right off that increasingly useless walking DeLorean, Arthur just wipes his mind instead, until Hiro's personality regresses to that of a 10-year-old. So, pretty much the same, then. Thinking fast, Ando pinches his BFF's eyes shut until that somehow teleports the two of them to a Japanese bowling alley.

Not one to dwell on the mistakes of five seconds ago, Arthur is back at Pinehurst, where he tells Sylar that he doesn't necessarily have to treat brains like a Fisher-Price playset to gain someone's ability. Arthur then leads his son to a nearby cell, and chained up inside is none other than Electric Sarah Marshall, who we discovered last week has a thing for Suicidal Superpowered Serial Killers. Because who doesn't.

Elle, all sparky and disheveled, starts shocking the shit out of Sylar for offing her dad Ned Ryerson (or Sammy Jankis, if you prefer). As her ex-crush's body rises into the air, she cranks up the voltage from "KY Tingle" to "Here Let Me Get That Toast Out With This Fork" to "Peel the Flesh Off Your Bones." The special effects in this scene are pretty sick, but I'm pretty sure that's because it's a Dr. Manhattan outtake from the Watchmen trailer.


Claire and Uncle Peter compete to see who can sound the most retarded during a conversation about how he's going off to fight his dad with no powers, and how her newfound love of tasers is sending her down a Path to the Dark Side, and how they both kind of want to fuck each other. But before they can get to making the world's dumbest babies, they're interrupted by Fearmonger and the Flamethrowing Hick. While Peter escapes, Claire distracts the villains with some nonsense about being "defensive player of the year," then does a header out the window while they try and figure out what the hell that meant.

Mohinder tries to inject a guy with some abilities, who instead ends up looking like Greg Kinnear at the end of Mystery Men. (Then again, he WAS a superhero in that movie, so maybe Mo's getting warmer.)

At Primatech, Parkman finds a bedridden, unconscious Angela and tells Daphne to get help. Instead she goes and rats out their position to Arthur. Meanwhile, Parkman dives into Mama Petrelli's brain to save her, hopefully dodging any sexual fantasies involving Kaito Nakamura.

Back in Elle's cell, Sylar continues to go from Original Recipe to Extra Crispy, only to heal up so Elle can cook him all over again. He wants her to do this – to take out all her anger. It's his penance. Exhausted, she begs to be put out of her misery, but he refuses. Instead he reaches out to her, and through empathy, takes her power Peter-style – sans skull-prying. As her pain dissipates, she's immediately thankful, and is all, "Maybe you're not so bad after all. Wanna come to my father's funeral?" Then she teaches him how to Hadouken in the most romantic fireball scene since The Human Torch got laid on the side of that mountain in Fantastic Four. Also Arthur watches on a security camera while presumably fapping.

At Pinehurst, Nathan finally remeets his dad, who tries to talk him into being eeevil. After Nathan storms outside to Think About Things, Tracy approaches Papa Petrelli and offers to run PR for Villains Inc.

Hiro relearns his pause button ability by pranking everyone in the Mega Happy Fun Time Alley Bowl, then transports he and Ando to a comic book shop. There they find a (somehow) new issue of 9th Wonders that depicts them standing in the very same store. Meanwhile, on a secluded beach somewhere, Tupac Shakur gives Isaac a high-five.

Worried about Parkman, Daphne pleads with him to pull her inside his head, which he subconsciously does. And while Angela convinces MentalArthur to let everyone go, Daphne confesses her love to Matt, because they've known each other all of one week, and in Speedster time that's like a three-year courtship.

Finally, as if reluctantly obeying those annoying voiceovers that have accompanied the closing credits over the past few weeks, everyone Chooses a Side, with half the cast converging by Angela's bed, the other half at Pinehurst with Arthur.

Bad Ass Moments:
- Homage or ripoff, I have to admit – Elle frying Sylar, John Osterman-style, was pretty awesome to watch.
- Basically Sylar had the same power as Peter all along, and was killing people for no reason. So, that's pretty funny.

Bad, Ass moments:
- Peter's speech to Clair about how she's going to betray him. If that sounded familiar, it's because Hiro and Ando had the exact same conflict like two episodes ago. Nice to see the Heroes writers take a break from ripping off other properties to occasionally plagiarize themselves.

That's What She Said:

I mean, look at that title. Also:
"You loved me, and there's a part of you that still does."
"You have to let me in there, Matt."
"You stabbed me!"
"I can take it all!"

Next week: Everyone loses their powers and dies!