You noticed that Shane mistakenly used "To" instead of "You":
You're a Grammar Nazi. But damn do I respect you.

You are a normal person of average intelligence who occasionally looks at this site:
You're already lost. In fact, your head may have already exploded at this juncture. Which is a shame, because I had dibs on your keyboard when you died, and now it's ruined.

You know exactly what he's talking about:
You read way too many CollegeHumor articles.

You didn't read the article:
Your brain stem has not shriveled into dust. Yet, you'll never know that, because if you looked to see what happened to people who didn't read the article, you would be caught in a deadly paradox, and would probably end up in a vegetative state.

You decide to follow Shane's advice, and write an article about how you read his article and what it says about you:
You're probably Kevin Slane. What if they aren't? But you are, Kevin. You're typing this. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!

You have a paper and a midterm due tomorrow and are reading this just to procrastinate as much as possible:
Welcome to my world.

Thanks to Shane Davis, Adam Sharaf, and their series of stupid articles for delaying my 15 page research paper just a little bit more.