Gain Weight

You've been at college for the better part of three months, and in this time you've gone to a few classes, made a few friends, drank a few beers, and made far too many trips to the dessert bar.  Instead of owning up to the fact that you now barely fit into your t-shirts and exclusively wear sweat pants, you continue on with your Easy Mac eating ways, oblivious to your growing gut.  On the bright side, you are not alone.  You'll be surprised to find that many of your friends, both male and female, have put on a few extra pounds.  Instead of wallowing in your grease-laden tears, throw caution to the wind and drink 13 Natty Ice's with your high school friends and then go home to drunkenly eat all of the Thanksgiving leftovers.



Lie About Your Life At College

"You said that you drink four nights a week at your school?  Well at our school we drink 5 nights a week, AND we invented a new form of cocaine!"  For some reason, everyone at a Thanksgiving party feels the need to lie about how they have spent the past three months at college.  This means that when you lie and talk about how many chicks you finger blasted (zero), how many shots of Jager you did in a row before puking (one), how many great friends you've made (three), and how many classes you are failing (zero), someone will always be able to top it. 
 

Make Poor Decisions With Your Ex-Girlfriend

Remember your high school girlfriend?  When you broke up with her in August, you were thinking that you were dropping some extra baggage, and would now be free to sample the delights that a medium-sized state college has to offer.  Now, three months later, all you have to show for yourself is a hazy memory of making out with a complete stranger at a dimly lit house party that may or may not have been a dude.  Now, with the help of a few alcoholic beverages, your ex isn't looking too bad.  Sure, she may have put on a few extra pounds and barely fits into her old high school soccer sweatshirt, but any port in any storm right?  All you need to do to seal the deal is tell her how over the past three months you've come to realize that you made a big mistake, and that she was the best thing that ever happened to you, and that you are really, really desperate.  Post coitus/bj/hj, say that you want to stay in touch, and you don't want to make the same mistake twice.  Proceed to ignore her until Winter Break.


Talk Exclusively About High School

9 out of 10 conversations at a Thanksgiving Break party will start with, "Remember that one time in high school…"  Conversation may start with everyone talking about their new lives at college, what classes they are taking, and how many times a night they drink, but it will inevitably end up at talking about high school.  Without fail.  Remember that time that you and your best friend stayed up all night playing Worms?  Man that was the best, why don't you talk about it AGAIN!  One of the more popular conversations about high school centers around who in your class is now fat/pregnant.  While it may bring you sweet satisfaction to talk about how that girl that sat next to you in biology class got pregnant, rest assured that she is, at that very moment, having a conversation with someone about how you got fat.  It's the circle of life.