'Twas the night before Thanksgiving, when all through the town,
Every creature was stirring their mixed drinks around;
The Natties were poured into solos with care,
In hopes that old drinking buddies soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While Mommy and Daddy got ripped outta their heads;

And I in my Sox hat and "2007 state champion" ring,
Had just settled in for a long game of Kings,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I called "fives" and went to see what was the matter,
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Right on past the townies playing dice games for cash,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a '98 Ford Taurus with a dent in the rear,
With an 18 year old driver, and two 15 year old chicks,
I knew right away that it must be "Saint Nick";

Still basking in the glory of last year's Turkey Day game,
He whistled and shouted everyone's nickname,
"Hey Sully! Yo Smitty! Sup Nizzle and Dubs!
Where's G Squared, Corona, Weebsy and Chubs?
I'm half in the bag, and I think I just farted,
But who gives a sh*t, let's get this party started!"
He walked through the house, making his rounds,
Giving daps and handshakes and chest bumps and pounds;

And then, in a twinkling, I looked right outside,
And saw that more friends from high school arrived,
As I gave a "whatup" to the rest of the crew,
Nick Stanton bear hugged me from out of the blue,
He was dressed in clothing from much earlier years,
And his breath was a combo of Combos and beers,
A bundle of Keystone's he had in his sack,
A letterman's jacket, with patches intact,

His eyes, one half open, his dimples, not there before,
His cheeks, filled with acne, his nose, even more,
It was easy to see last year's High School Heisman winner,
Was skipping many classes, but not so for dinners;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly,
He was chubby and plump and right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself;

He asked how I was doing and how were my folks,
And proceeded with a bevy of old inside jokes,
His words were quite slurred, he had unexplained abrasions,
The turkey he consumed was of the "Wild" persuasion;

And after smashing his bottle and patting my back,
He went out the door with a bottle of Jack,
He came to his car, and called for his bitches,
An embarrassment of nubile, tweenaged riches,
And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,

"I hope there isn't a DUI checkpoint tonight!"