Even though most of us commentors don't much care about one another especially the phagz who get 0wned! this is nonetheless a community. And with a community comes all sorts of interesting inhabitants. The town drunk. The adulterous mayor. The one who wears a disguise to look like human guys (note: he's not a man, he's a Chicken Boo). Here is a list by no means comprehensive of some personalities you might find lurking in the comment threads.
And I'm going to generalize everyone by their screen name. Isn't that fun?!
Pretty Chill Frat-Wannabe
Examples: jman123, balla brad, skeezy
Pretty chill dude. He's not very comfortable with videos of homosexuality between men, joking or otherwise if it's chicks, though, F*CK YEAH. Feel free to argue about sports stats and playoff predictions with these guys. Also about how stupid frats are just keep in mind they will joke along with you, but secretly REALLY want to be in one. Overall, pretty average, likes-to-get-hammered student.
Favourite Comment: this is fucking lame. worst roommate confessions ever.
Favourite Like: Who can blame them?
Maybe Actually a Crazy Person
Examples: ABearAteMyDookie, omgzomg, ifuckedyourdad
While their name catches your attention, it usually doesn't make any sense. Which is a good preamble to the comments they leave. Sometimes it's an obscure quote from another video somewhere or a 90's cartoon you forgot about. Sometimes it's just a weird, warped emotion Anger: "I AM GOING TO KILL YOUR BUTT!"; Derision: "THIS MIGHT BE THE STUPIDEST HOT DOG IN THE BARREL!" but Caps Lock is pretty much standard. Because we all know, Caps Lock
is cruise control for batshit insane.
Favourite Comment: IS DIZ FREEKIN U OUT? STREET SHARKS RULE UR FACE! WHURZ MA CORN?!
Favourite Like: Also their internal monologue. Every day.
Examples: Steve Barker, Tom J., Shane Davis
These people can be easily confused with two other classes (Staff and Pseudonymers) but are a class all their own. They wish they could be on the staff of CH, and as such can often be seen acting superior in comment threads, like they're some sort of authority above the rest of the rabble. A favourite activity is sucking up to how awesome the CH staff is (they're seriously awesome, though. I hope Jeff Rubin reads this!) This is also the demographic that's most likely to capitalize and punctuate all their posts which is pretty lame. They remind you of grown-ups, and they really wish they were.
Favourite Comment: Golly! CHTV never fails to impress. Solid writing, guys! And is thata JakeAndAmir.com poster in the background at :35? I bow down to you,Streeter!
Favourite Like: You just don't get it.
Examples: Micheal Scott, Ari Gold, Tom Brady
A variation of the Full-Name-Using Snot, Pseudonymers' appeal so they think lies in their no doubt witty and accurate impersonation of a pop-culter icon you'll identify. The fact that they've evidently decided to live vicariously through someone who's either fictional or a celebrity isn't weird at all. Especially when they blow ya mind with how uncannily they comment JUST LIKE your favourite TV character would! They might have famous people tied up in their basement. And are wearing that famous person's hair as a wig.
Closely related to Maybe Actually a Crazy Person, but more methodically creepy.
Favourite Comment: And, even though we're still a family here at Dunder-Mifflin, families grow. And, at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I am upper management, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam, as much as I might want to.
Favourite Like: One day their prince will come
and file a restraining order.
Examples: sarah, Lindsay, You'reJustGoingToReadThisAs"SexualObject"AnywaySoScrewIt
There are 4, maybe 5 female commentors on CollegeHumor. And they know they are absolutely the minority. BUT, they also know that most guys will never make fun of a girl especially on an Internet forum. After all, she's probably like this close to giving a beej to the next guy who asks. The posts following any given post made by The Girl may be relevant to what she said or, even more rarely, the video/picture itself but will more likely than not degenerate into desperate flirtations.
That being said, The Girl
you're so hot.
A note about your display picture: if it shows your breasts, that will determine the conversation. If it doesn't
someone's going to wonder out loud what they look like, and that will determine the conversation.
Favourite Comment: that bitch is a bitch, and this video doesn't even blah blah blah
Favourite Like: Oh. God. Yes.
Just remember, everyone. At the end of a busy day of commenting on videos we didn't make and pictures we didn't take, we all look like this: