2 days prior: okay she really wants to go see this movie for some reason. Mentioned something about "vampires?" Oh well, should be a good way to score some points, since she wasn't too happy when I took her to see Transporter 3.
Going into the theater: Okay somethings up, why am i the only guy here?
2 minutes in: HOLY SHIT the first scene in the movie has a guy killing a deer with his bare hands. This will be awesome.
20 minutes in: Okay nothing's happened for awhile. Something about some new girl living in a small town. So its basically a Journey song. With Vampires.
25 mintues: Didn't know Native Americans had vampire legends. Because ancient native american myths add an air of legitamicy to any plot.
27 mintues: Weird thought, is it just me or does the soundtrack sound like a ripoff of a Rush song?
28 minutes: Girlfriend has no clue who Rush is.
30 minutes in: Apprently main girl came to conclusion main guy is a vampire based on "pale skin", "doesn't go out in the sun", and "antisocial tendencies." I would have gone with him having a World of Warcraft account, but hey
32 minutes in: Seriously, he sparkles in the sunlight? that's got to be the stupidest thing ever.
33 minutes in: Girlfriend tells me to stop laughing, its apparently supposed to be romantic.
35 minutes: Really? An angtsy afternoon in the woods staring at each other and THAT means their hopelessly in love?
37 minutes: okay, apparently he's a "vegitarian vampire" because he only drinks animal blood. Why hasn't PETA tried to ban this movie? Dear god I wish they would.
40 mintues: Girlfriend tells me to shut up. SHE didn't tell everyone the plot holes in Transporter 3.
45 minutes: Okay they just defined main girls age as 17 and vampire guy as 117. Why does no one pick up on that? Where's Chris Hanson when you need him?
50 mintues: Where the fuck is Wesley Snipes and a katana when you need him?
60 mintues: At this stage I'll take Hugh Jackman and that crossbow machine gun thing he had. Man that movie was awesome, why didn't they make a Van Helsing sequel ..
62 minutes: Crap, i just snapped out of my daydream. Sadly this movie is NOT Van Helsing 2.
65 minutes: Girlfriend tells me she didn't tell me how the movie would be because she didn't want me pre-gaming like I did for Sex and the City.
70 minutes: okay, how the hell do I get sucked into these things?
80 minutes: cell phone Tetris you are my new God.
93 minutes: high score motherfucker! hey, ssssshhhhhs yourself.
100 minutes: Good, girlfriends in a romantic mood.
101 minutes: Bad, girlfriend is NOT up for a movie BJ.
End of Movie: Yeah baby that was really good. No I totally get how you feel, it made me romantic too. Whose Edward Cullen?