The future is nnnnowwww. Now. Now!
The only good thing about the recession is that I no longer feel guilty about majoring in English. Now I won't get a job after graduating no matter what my major is.
T.G.I.F.Thank Gregorian It's Friday, the inventor of the modern calendar.
On House M.D., there's always someone running behindThe elevator door never closes the first time.
My friend told me about how he tried to commit suicide by taking 20 Advils. Doesn't he know that he could've just taken 4 Aleves?
Morkat Kombat vs. DCIf I want to see Sub-Zero fight Batman, I don't need a video game I'll just close my eyes.
The Moment I Realized I Would Never Become a DoctorI remember doing poorly on a Physiology exam, learning the hard way that joint fluid is not at all similar to bong water.
A lot of my friends take alcoholism very seriously, but it's more of a Christmas and Easter thing for me.
We call my Grandpa "Spiderman," not because he has any superpowers but because he has trouble getting out of the tub.
Since Cocoa Puffs make normal milk chocolate, I thought they might turn chocolate milk normal. Instead it just turned my body diabetic.
Oregon Trail then and now1999: Your character on Oregon Trail may die from dysentery
1850: You may die from dysentery.
American hipstorian"I stopped following Ben Franklin's career after he went electric."
I recently gave up drinking well, socially, anyway.
I bet the most difficult part of being a single parent is making the kid.