Happy December, everybody! Lucky for you, Christmas is coming early this year, in the form of Jessica Alba. Alba recently posed for a swimsuit calendar for Campari alcohol, which means 12 glorious Adobe Photoshop files for you to enjoy. (Egotastic)

But hey, can you blame her? Everyone in Hollywood photoshops. It's like cocaine. At least Alba's photoshopper wasn't half blind, like Scary Spice's. Last time I checked, Scary Spice wasn't rocking the lower body of an Olympic gymnast. Creepy. (Celebslam)

Speaking of Scary Spice, what are the rest of those spicy girls up to? Oh wait, here's Ginger Spice, flashing her ass at some children's award show. Glad to see some things never change. (IDLYITW)

Also jumping on the 'never change' bandwagon? Winona Ryder. This week, the reformed shoplifter 'misplaced' $125,000 worth of jewelry lent to her by Bulgari jewelers. Whatever, these Bulgari characters were asking for it. They basically gave a pound of awesome fish to a bear and hoped it wouldn't get eaten. She's gonna eat the jewelry, people. (WWTDD)

This week, Kirsten Dunst got a restraining order against her stalker, Christopher Smith. But she's not the only one. Bryan Adams, the singer of 'Summer of '69' and '(Everything Thing I Do) I Do For You', is also dealing a mother/son team of stalkers from Romania. Which leads me to the conclusion that stalkers in general are just really really bored. (WWTDD, DListed)

Britney Spears turned 27 this week, and treated herself to a shiny new top hat and a lip-syncing party in Europe. Then she treated us to her boobs. I mean, who's birthday IS it, seriously!?!? (WWTDD, Egotastic)

Great news, boys. Ivana Trump is finally single! Now you can go tap the weird fake-tanned granny ass you've always dreamed of. (DListed)

Amy Winehouse is also single this week, after her husband Blake failed a drug test and is being sent back to jail. But don't worry, Amy got her rocks off one last time when Blake stopped by her hospital bedside on his way to prison. A fitting conclusion to the World's Healthiest Marriage Ever. (IDLYITW)

So apparently this chick from Gossip Girl is going to have another baby? That's not important. What IS important is that her two-year-old son is legit hot. Look at this kid! He's only two and I would already buy cologne and/or jeans if this face were attached. I'm calling it now, world. (DListed)

Rumors broke this week that Jamie Lynn Spears had liposuction at 16 years old. WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT. I know I'm giving out a lot of awards today, but damn. World's Greatest Mother definitely goes to Lynne Spears. (IDLYITW)

So I know no one cares about Carnie Wilson, but man these pictures make me laugh. Pictures like these actually make me feel bad for celebrities, having their dumb moments captured forever. If I was famous, I would probably look this retarded 95% of the time. (Celebslam)

Wanna see something awkward? Here's 82-year-old Hugh Hefner desperately trying to suck some oxygen out of a bunch of young Playgirls. Yipes! (Celebslam)

This Tuesday on his show, Stephen Colbert issued a call for fans to buy his new Christmas album on iTunes and bump Kanye West's album, and by association his ego, down a notch. Colbert fans responded in force and the operation was a total success. Not surprisingly, Kanye West had to have the last word. Surprisingly, he used Twitter to do it. (DListed)

Remember Felicity? She was cute and wholesome, right? Well get ready to have your mind blown, because this week a photoshoot with Keri Russell surfaced where she is anything but. I like to call this style 'crackhead chic.' (Egotastic)

If you're a fan of Pink, and think she's sexy, then you'll like this new music video, where she basically makes out with herself. If you're the other 6,865,612,722 people in the world, nevermind. (Hollywood Tuna)

And finally, this week's Still Got It. Beyonce's unshaven armpits and Rod Stewart's giant wife were both in the running this week, but none other than Tina Turner could come out on top. Tina, who is nearly 70 years old, is currently on tour and seems to be wearing some of the same outfits from her earlier tours. Keep up the delusion, Tina. You Still Got It. (Hollywood Tuna, Celebslam, WWTDD)