It's official: John Markovich has more friends than you do. In a little under 2 days he managed to get 1,015 people to join his "I Used to Eat Paper But My Mom Made Me Stop" group. For his astounding Facebook prowess he will be awarded a free BustedTee and will henceforth be known as Sir John Markovich. (I'm pretty sure I have the power to do that.)

All you lesser mortals can stop trying to win this round. Good luck next time, but until then, you should be disgusted with yourselves.