Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
December 16, 2008
Our Monthly Holiday Issue!
My argument for white pizza
Warm toasted bread, melted cheese, and mashed vegetables. Which of these doesn't belong? Also, I'm racist.
Definitions for "Waffle Balls"
1.Delicious dessert topping, 2.Aftermath of sitting on a tennis racket
is a funnier version of Entourage.
A couple years ago I was going to make my own TV station, like
, but for white people. I ended up deciding against it, partially because I didn't want to become another example of white people ripping off black culture, and mostly because it sounded horribly racist.
I think the second worst part about being in a Pretenders cover band is you're destined to only come up with the second most appropriate name possible. The worst part, of course, is the fact that you're in a Pretenders cover band.
Why do old people become hard of hearing when their ears get so damn big?
Why do people say "smart like a fox"? Does that mean you are smart enough to catch rabies and get shot by a British nobleman?
These hors d'oeuvres taste like shit! Pardon my French.
Behind every successful woman there's a bunch of guys whispering that she's a lesbian and "probably infertile."
Every year my fantasy team comes in dead last even though it has the hottest chicks on it. I guess I just don't understand sports.
Look, I don't make the rulez. If I did, I would spell rulez with a "z."
Do you think poor, freezing children are purposely naughty so they'll get coal?
It wasn't until after I graduated that I realized my diploma was useless. All of the benefits majoring in Psychology were canceled out by minoring in Reverse Psychology.
Diamonds or crack?
All I had to do was give her one of those expensive rocks for her to go down on me.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but it'll really be the infection that sets in afterward that'll do me in.
If parents really don't want their kids having sex they should give their sons and daughters World of Warcraft.
Click here to submit your own 105%.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.