Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
December 23, 2008
I'm tired of making resolutions I can't keep. I resolve that I'm absolutely not going to go to the moon unless space travel becomes really affordable or I win a contest.
Lose Weight, Managing Debt, Save Money, Get a Better Job, Get Fit, Eat Right, Get a Better Education, Drink Less Alcohol, Quit Smoking, Now Reduce Stress Overall, Reduce Stress at Work, Take a Trip, Volunteer to Help Others, Holiday and New Year Health-e-Cards.
You clearly plagiarized that from a resolutions website.
I resolve to meat new people, I've been getting bored of throwing steaks at the same friends.
To finally get over the rough patch in my current relationship, and accept the fact that my girlfriend doesn't want to shave down there.
I resolve to stop playing God with insects. I'm still going to torture and kill them in cruel and creative ways, but it will no longer be part of a larger plan.
I resolve to drink champagne and watch Ryan Seacrest count down from 10 more than once a year. In other words, become the classiest Ryan Seacrest stalker ever.
I resolve to be a better actor, stop talking with a gay lisp, not be a sell out, and everything else the commenters ask of me. Thanks so much guys! I take all of your criticism to heart!!!
This year, I resolve to experiment more with my boyfriend. For instance, what happens when you combine radon, boron and tellurium inside a butthole?
My New Year's resolution is to stand up for myself. Unless you think that's stupid, then I can think of another one.
I resolve to rely less on technology.
Sent from my iPhone
Ricky Van Veen:
Harder core pornography.
I would like to spend more time with family and friends who have passed away. I f***ing love cemeteries.
1024 × 768 pixels. Also, buy a new TV.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.