Every January First, each of the last 50 years, as well as the next 10 years, gather to celebrate and give a proper send off to the year that was. The time is 11:40, and the party is in full swing. 1959 is on the balcony, warding off cancer and other minor diseases by enjoying a smooth Pall Mall. Just as he does every year, 1969 is rocking an Iggy Pop and The Stooges T-shirt while hitting on every chick he sees by reminding them about the moon landing, but eventually striking out because he looks like Charles Manson. The '70s are all blowing massive quantities of blow, except for 1973, who's late because he ran out of gas. He'll show up later with the Chinese years. 1984 is sitting by himself in a corner, staring at everyone and creeping them out. 2012 keeps pissing everyone off by handing out fliers predicting the end of the world and his movie's opening weekend box office numbers. 1999 is still in a bunker, hoping to survive lame Y2K jokes. The DJ hasn't played anything but Dylan. No one seems to mind. The party is great until things suddenly get awkward when 2009, drunk off his ass, finally decides to confront 2008.
2009: Hey 2008, can I talk to you for a second?
2008: Sure, what's up.
2009: Dude, seriously, all I wanna say is, what the hell?
2008: What's wrong?
2009: What's wrong?! You're pretty much the biggest year ever, that's what's wrong! How can I possibly follow you?
2008: Oh come on, I wasn't that huge.
2009: Are you kidding?! You had everything! A huge economic crisis, a record shattering Olympics, the biggest election of our lifetime, The best Super Bowl ever, one of the biggest movies ever, you got Lil Wayne to release an actual album, and then, as if you didn't have enough going on, you get an Israeli-Palestinian conflict! Plus 2007's still upset about you upgrading his iPhone. Not cool. Not cool at all.
2008: So I was a big year, what can I say?
2009: Chinese Democracy for chrissake! Chinese Democracy! There was supposed to be legitimate democracy in China before Chinese Democracy, but you just had to have it.
2008: Relax 2009, you'll have tons of great stuff.
2009: Like what?
2008: The start of the Obama Administration, so you know there's going to be an international crisis, the Arrested Development movie, Watchmen will be huge! Don't worry, it'll be OK.
2009: Please, don't patronize me, Mitchel Hurwitz hasn't even started writing the Arrested Development movie, Watchmen's release date is in a legal battle now, and the only Obama news anyone will care about is the recession.
2008: Well I don't know what to tell you.
2009: Apologize for clock-blocking everyone.
At this point all of the years had gathered around 2008, in the hopes that they can intimidate him into an apology.
2008: OK, I'm sorry everyone.
1996: Do you have any idea how hard it was for me and the rest of the '90s to create a stable economy? I mean sure, the Internet pretty much did all the work, but someone still had to think of that pets.com mascot.
2008: I said I'm sorry, 1997.
1996: I'm not 1997.
1997: Goddamnit I'm 1996. Remember? Macarena?
2002: I thought that was 1997's thing?
1997: No, I was Princess Diana and Cloning.
1998: Wait, then what was I?
1993: You were the Monica Lewinsky year.
1998: Oh yeah, that's right. Thanks.
1993: You're not welcome. God I'm so full of angst.
2009: Alright everyone just shut up for a second
2008, apologize to me for setting the bar too high and leaving no possible story that will come close.
2008: Fine, I'm sorry to you and everyone else for being such an amazing year. I truly am.
2009: Fine, I forgive you. After all, it's not your fault you were so awesome. I just wish I could have something memorable to look forward to.
2008: Hey, I know, you can be the year the economy turns around!
2015: No way, I called "dibs" on that like 2 months ago.