iTunes has just finished an invigorating session of Bikram Yoga and is on his way to finish the final 300 pages of David Foster Wallace's "Infinite Jest" when he feels a tap on his shoulder. Thinking it must be his best friend Netflix, he turns around, is immediately chloroformed, and is tossed into the back of a black 1979 Dodge Ram Van by a creature he can't identify. When he comes to, he finds himself in the darkness of the basement of an abandoned warehouse.
where am I?
A dim light is turned on and flickers overhead as Jordan Knight's "Give It To You" begins to blare over the muffled loudspeakers. iTunes tries to stand up but finds his arms and legs tied to the legs of the school desk he finds himself sitting in. He barely manages to lift the lid of the desk to see that it is filled with CD cases that have been destroyed beyond recognition; the only one he can identify is Sugar Ray's "14:59". The light is turned off and the music begins to fade out. A few seconds later, the light is turned back on and iTunes finds himself staring at the same creature that kidnapped him.
iTunes: What do you want from me?
Winamp Media Player: You don't even know who I am, do you?
Winamp Media Player punches iTunes in the stomach.
iTunes: What the hell was that for?
Winamp Media Player: Watch your mouth, I should end you just for saying that.
iTunes: I've never seen you on his desktop
how should I know who you are?
Winamp Media Player: Does "support this software
register today" ring any bells? What about all of the songs he uploaded into you right before he went off to college? Where do you think those came from?