You know those days you have every once in a while where everything just goes right for you? Here's Verne Troyer on the exact opposite of that. (IDLYITW)

There's nowhere to go but up!

The 66th Annual Lets-All-Jerk-Each-Other-Off -For-Three-Hours Awards were this week, and since ratings hit an all time low, I'm going to assume you weren't watching. (WWTDD)
The highlights:
    - Mickey Rourke won Best Actor and thanked his dogs
    - Director Darren Aronofsky flicked off the camera (IDLYITW)
    - Kate Winslet forgot Angelina Jolie's name and called her 'the other one' (DListed)
    - Angelina turned into a ball of rage and incinerated all of Los Angeles
    - Slumdog Millionaire won Best Picture!

And for good measure, here is a collection of all the boobs in attendance.  Because everyone knows thats the whole reason behind award shows anyway. (Egotastic)

Whitney Port, star of MTV's totally-not-reality show The City, went to the beach this week and showed us her boob.  And let me tell you, nothing is sexier than a bare boob with a reality TV microphone straight taped to it.  Rawr. (Egotastic)

Amy Winehouse is still on vacation in St. Lucia, but since the wait staff now refuses to serve her, she's resorted to crawling up behind other patrons and stealing their drinks.  Spring Break 09!! (WWTDD)

Ever wonder why American Idol gets such huge ratings?  I'll give you a hint.  It's not because of Ryan Seacrest. (IDLYITW)

Kendra Wilkinson, Hugh Hefner's ex-girlfriend, gave a detailed interview to UsWeekly this week about her time at the Playboy Mansion, complaining that she was only paid $1,000 a week and didn't have sex enough.  In other words, a normal human being. (IDLYITW)

Megan Fox was interviewed this week at the Golden Globes, and basically barfed insecurity for five minutes.  Man this is annoying. If Megan Fox looks like a "tranny Alan Alda", as she claims, then God help the girls who actually look like tranny Alan Alda.  But hey, good news for Alan Alda. (DListed)

Speaking of trannys, Fergie got married this week, so you all can stop fantasizing about getting with her.  All 8 of you total. (DListed)

Now it's time to play Who Did It Better?  The game show with no right answers except for mine.  The power!  The first person to agree with me on all counts wins a free BustedTee.  Go!
    - Best friends Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham both posed for high fashion print advertisements this week.  Who did it better? (WWTDD, Hollywood Tuna)
    - 90210's AnnaLynne McCord and Gossip Girl's Blake Lively both shot 'sexy' spreads for magazines.  Who did it better? (Hollywood Tuna, Egotastic)
    - Wet dream queens Paris Hilton and Hayden Panettiere both got kicked out of venues this week.  Who did it better? (Celebslam)

Here's something that should probably exist: Cleavage of the Week.  Thoughts?  If yes, it would be Minka Kelly from Friday Night Lights.  If no, no one's even left to read this because they already clicked on the link. (Hollywood Tuna)

And last but not least, this week's Still Got It.  The competition was fierce, with a swollen Boy George coming in a close second, but this week I have to give it to Andrew Dice Clay.  He looks like someone's creepy uncle.  Like a failed SNL character.  Like 30Rock's Judah Friedlander without a hat on.  I could go on.  Congratulations, Andrew Dice.  You Still Got It. (Celebslam, WWTDD)