Suitable for ages 8 and 11.

Saw the new movie MILK. Went with some acid-producing bacteria though — totally spoiled it for me.
-David Angelo
Before I got with girls I would watch porn for pointers. The first time I was with a girl she said, "Aren't you going to kiss me?" And I said, "What's a kiss?"
-Mark Normand
Opinion
When i give my opinion I like to say that I give my 2 cents, which given the state of the economy is worthless, much like my opinion.
-Jesse Grief
How they named Delaware
Explorer: Where am I? Native: DelawzqeuxquzrenapolisExplorer: Delawhere?
-Danny Hurwitz
If funerals were like college parties
How did I know the deceased? I didn't, but one of my friends did and said there would be free beer.
-Hillary Fink
If we're all god's children, what's so special about Jesus?
-Alex Wiedzmin
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? It can only get better…
-Thomas Re
School zone speed limits don't make sense
If you run over a kid going 20, it's still going to die.
-Chris Luyster
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
-David N.