Ethan: Remember when you said that we couldn't write the column again until the Cardinals went to the Super Bowl? Well, here we are. I had to pull some Angels in the Outfield stuff to make this happen, so I hope you're happy.
Ethan: God's probably thinking the same thing most NFL GMs were: if you get Kurt, you're stuck with Brenda, too. Are we headed for a classic Kurt Warner 5-turnover meltdown?
Amir: I thought we call those classic Jake Delhomme 6-turnover meltdowns now.
Ethan: How frustrated are you that he could lead the lowly Cards to a Super Bowl bid, but he couldn't even get you into the fantasy playoffs?
Amir: He didn't have to deal with Lance Moore at wideout like I did. You know what? Call me crazy, but I'm a believer. I pick the Cardinals, and more importantly Kurt Warner, to continue the cindarella postseason. Or to a lesser extent cover the spread (6.5).
Ethan: You're already making your pick? Give it time. Don't force it. I'm not going to hold you to that one. The Cardinals defense could make it interesting, though, since they're good at forcing turnovers. Plus, I don't trust Roethlisberger to go two whole weeks without suffering some scary-sounding injury. Once you've had a spinal concussion, you're only one small step away from being on the injury report with "Q Sprained soul" or "D Severed arm" next your name.
Amir: If anybody knows Pittsburgh's offense it's Whisenhunt. How cool was that extended flea-flicker to Fitzgerald. Finally the SuperBowl will be worth watching again! Especially after last year's dud.
Ethan: It's not Pittsburgh's offense they have to worry about, it's Pittsburgh's defense. And the shear force of Anquan Boldin's temper tantrums. Look, man, if you want to be a baby during the NFC Championship Game, it's a 55-screws-in-the-facial-bones minimum.
Amir: If the Cardinals win are they a better story than the Giants last year?
Ethan: No, because nobody thought the Giants could win last year. Not even the Giants. Tom Coughlin probably looked at the line and considered taking the Pats and laying the points.
Amir: He was only that elated because he ended up settling for the under.
Ethan: It's not like the Steelers are an undefeated team people are talking about as an all-time great. That being said, I'll change my stance if Larry Fitzgerald promises to only catch passes using his helmet this year.
Amir: How did he go from being arguably the best wide receiver on his team to arguably the best athlete on the planet?
Ethan: Hey, let's not get too excited here. I'm not willing to say that until he beats 32-time PBA champion Parker Bohn III in a bowling match. Although Fitzgerald does give hope that sportswriters' children can be dominant athletes. I now see Jay Mariotti, Jr. retiring with 9 NBA championship rings.
Amir: Not if Woody Paige IV has anything to say about that.
Ethan: We'll do more Super Bowl next week, but it feels like there's something else we should be talking about something that should be #1 on everybody's list ah, yes, Wake Forest basketball. Are you now done betting against them?
Amir: Yes, I bet against them in the North Carolina game, and yes I went double or nothing at Clemson. BUT, in my defense, I don't know a lot about college basketball and I was going with vegas odds and I really like losing money.
Ethan: Any time a formerly Baptist university is being led by a guy named Al-Farouq, you know big things are happening. Do you see the Deacs keeping a number one seed?
Amir: Does any number one seed last? The ACC is crazy this year, though they do avoid having to play at Chapel Hill. Maybe I should go double or nothing again in the Duke game
Ethan: Wouldn't you be at quadruple or nothing then? Yeah, I guess they'll probably cool off a bit and end up with a 2 or 3 seed. Just like the Celtics!
Ethan: No amount of Turkoglu can ever replace 3-D. I think no matter what happens the rest of the season, I think Darius Miles emerges as the biggest winner. Nothing beats someone signing you to a contract out of spite.
Amir: Who are the Blazers going to sue for convincing them to draft Oden over Durant? Somebody must be at fault here!
Ethan: Why has Cablevision not turned the Marbury buyout negotiations into a TV show yet? Wouldn't that help recoup some of their costs? Hearing Starbury try to convincingly say, "Look, I'll let you off the hook for a million of it. Just pay me the other $19.8 mil, and I'm on my way. This is a GREAT deal for you!" would be at least as funny as most episodes of 30 Rock.
Amir: And funnier than all episodes of The Mentalist.
Ethan: Even the one where the Mentalist moved to Cypress Creek to work for Hank Scorpio? Can you believe nobody's given Adam Dunn a job yet?
Ethan: An even worse sign for Dunn: his agent said the same thing. Oh, well, at least David Eckstein got a job. I was worried the word "scrappy" was going to completely disappear from common sportswriter usage in the next year.
Amir: Or the words "Ambiguously Jewish."
Ethan: Got an interesting fact for us? You've only had two months to gather it.
Amir: John Wooden was in a professional basketball league called the NBL and in 1938 hit 134 consecutive free throws still a professional basketball record.
Ethan: I wish we hadn't already used up our quota of Nick Anderson jokes earlier in the column.
Amir: Our old quota was zero. So be happy with the one.
Ethan: Until next week, get excited for convincing yourself the Cardinals can actually win!
Amir and Ethan also run StraightCashHomey.net A Random Jersey Blog