You Can't Change The Past
 
"It has not been the path for the faint-hearted – for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things – some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path…"
 
Through the tears of joy on Inauguration Day this week, as we stood in the cold, sat with our friends, or watched from our classrooms, those of us who were paying attention to what Barack was saying knew what he was really talking about: our favorite islanders. And as our new President stood next to his perfect wife and addressed an audience of millions, all he was really thinking was:
 
ONE MORE DAY ?TIL THE LOST SEASON PREMIERE!
 
Before the last moving box in the White House was even unpacked, the First Family was cuddled on the First Couch in front of the First TV, with a bowl of PopSecret, and a whole lot of smiles.
 
Here's what went down this week, in a tranquilizer bullet:
 
After the island disappeared, we see that it (or the people on it) are traveling at random through time. Daniel knows what's going on and wants to be taken to a man-made landmark. Sawyer, Juliet, Miles, Charlotte, and Daniel take off into the jungle for the hatch. While they are together, a few time leaps happen. They make it back to the beach with the rest of our friends, and then the whole lot gets attacked by flaming arrows. Locke is by himself, time traveling too. He gets shot by Ethan, and helped by Richard. Then he saves Sawyer and Juliet from some dudes who were going to cut off Juliet's hands.
 
Back in the real world, Jack is working with Ben to get everyone to go back to the island. Sun chats more with Widmore about killing Ben. She also meets up with Kate, who is running from the "lawyers" who are after her and Aaron. Sayid busts Hurley (who everyone thinks is a murderer) out of the nuthouse. Hurley eventually tells his mom the truth about the island, then turns himself in to escape Ben.
 
Here's what we learn:
 

1.   Let's be honest: It's getting hard to keep track of everything. My brain is so full of Lost facts that it's overflowing. So, help me out here if I mention something that we've already known. You guys are my rock, my Black Rock.

2.   Our doctor friend from the instructional videos doesn't use his real name (Dr. Chang) in the videos.

3.   Dr. Chang is a fucking diva. Looks like being in front of the camera is going to his head. Take it easy, Dr. Chang.

4.   LOST time travel rules are not the same as Back to the Future time travel rules. Let's refer to Back to the Future II (If you didn't see it, watch the scene where Doc Brown explains time travel). In that movie, decisions changed in the past can create an alternate reality. In LOST terms, the past cannot be altered. For you Philosophy Majors, it's a classic example of Calvin (LOST's "predestination") vs. Hobbes (Back to the Future). Another note for all of you philosophy majors: Your major is useless in the real world.

5.   Richard finds Locke in one of the time traveling moments and gives him a compass. He also tells him that he must get all the peeps back on the island, and that he must die.

6.   Daniel tells Desmond (who doesn't know him yet) to go to Oxford in the future to save the people on the island. Desmond remembers this suppressed memory back in the real world.

7.   Charlotte is getting the nose bleeds and headaches. Bad news for Charlotte. Good news for anyone who is secretly racist against redheads.

8.   The Destiny Calls recap was pretty basic, but actually useful. It reminded me of a few things, such as: the 4-toed statue, the unknown whereabouts of Claire (Are we all assuming she's dead, since she was with Christian in the cabin?), the reason (Sawyer) that there was trouble in paradise with Jack and Kate, etc. Also, it reminds us that the whole Dharma vs Hostiles thing wasn't really a straight-up Good vs Evil situation. Dharma had some sketchy shit going on from the get-go.

9.   We still love our Easter Eggs…the clock clicking over to 8:15 and Nikki's old TV show, Expose, did not go unnoticed.

10.The Arzt Syndrome strikes again! As soon as we get attached to a random islander, he gets shot with a flaming arrow. (Also, my friend noticed that he was the actor from those old Aaron Burr milk commercials. REMEMBER????)

11.The Dharma people did not install the giant time Machine wheel. They discovered it.

12.Daniel was hanging out in the Dharma work station when they discover the wheel. We're still not sure when he arrived at that point in time.

13.More time travel rules! (These are as specific to each show as Zombie rules. Pay attention.) If you get injured in one time, you are still injured in the next. Also, you can bring stuff with you.

14.Daniel, Charlotte, and Miles seem a little too interested to hear that the button was pushed every 108 minutes.

15.Locke's body has to go back to the island.

16.Sun means business. She tells Kate to take out the sketchy lawyer dudes.

17. Michelle Rodriguez must have sobered up for at least an hour to make an appearance as one of Hurley's dead people apparitions.

18. WHEN AM I? (New Busted Tee, anyone?)