This week, we were lucky enough to witness one of the most historic events in our great nation's existence.  Of course I'm talking about Marissa Miller going to the beach.  Black, yellow, striped, polka-dot-ish. Like a true patriot, she wore them all.  God Bless America!  Oh yeah, and some black dude was elected President too. (Egotastic, Hollywood Tuna, IDLYITW)

Let's start the show!

Oscar nominations came out this week, quickly followed by Clint Eastwood murdering everyone in Hollywood.  Gran Torino was totally panned, Bruce Springsteen got dissed, and Forrest Gump II received 13 nominations.  At least we know Washington isn't the only place with f*cked up politics. (Celebslam)

This week, Julia Roberts went nuts on a paparazzi who had been following her for hours, screaming at the pap to 'aim higher.'  Personal insult or photography tip?  You decide! (WWTDD)

Keira Knightley also took a dig at the paparazzi this week, calling one of the photogs a 'dickhead' in a text to her friend.  What a jerk!  All the pap did was super zoom in on her phone so we could all read her personal text to a friend.  Public domain! (Hollywood Tuna)

Eva Mendes was named Most Desirable this week by AskMen, in their annual feature also titled 'We're Unaware of Megan Fox'. (IDLYITW)

Paris Hilton was at Sundance this week, and in true Hilton style, took 30 bags worth of freebies from the gifting station (instead of the requisite, oh, I don't know, ONE).  Which of course leads to the question, why was Paris Hilton at Sundance? (Celebslam)

Kelly Osbourne was arrested this week after slapping a columnist who called her fiance stupid.  In the columnist's defense, the future Mr. Osbourne IS dating Kelly Osbourne. (WWTDD)

This week, a ton of unretouched photos from Madonna's album cover shoot leaked onto the internet.  They're scary, but is it weird that I'm kind of relieved to see Madonna still has real skin?  I was beginning to worry. (WWTDD)

And while we're on the subject, nude pictures from a photoshoot a broke Madonna did in 1979 are now on sale at Christie's.  Let's just say she was, er, more 'prudish' with her grooming habits back then.  Gross. (Egotastic)

Great news, everybody!  Looks like there's going to be a Sex and the City sequel.  Tentative name?  2Sex2City. (DListed)

This chick is definitely not famous, but god if this video didn't make me laugh.  Basically all you need to know is this is from a very classy reality show and there is a bathroom teether involved.  Enjoy. (DListed)

Hulk Hogan is an asshole.  Don't believe me?  Last time I checked, non-assholes didn't drive Cadillac golf carts around LA.  I rest my case. (Celebslam)

And last but not least, this week's Still Got It.  Val Kilmer gave a fair showing, as did that hot mess Lady Gaga.  And Fran Drescher's epic failure at looking 'sexy' almost took the cake.  But I have to give it to Joaquin Phoenix this week.  That beard!  That hair!  That smell!  Congratulations, Joaquin.  You Still Got It*. (Celebslam, DListed, IDLYITW)

*lice