To all the readers in Miami, Los Angeles, and San Diego
To the Lost fans at Tulane, Florida State, and even Rice, or UT Austin
Listen guys, I love you, but you just don't appreciate Lost as much as the rest of us. Why?
I don't know if you've turned on the Weather Channel recently, but it's fucking COLD everywhere else. We're in our third month of freezing cold air, wind, snow, and slush. And while I love bundling up in my mittens and boots " let's be honest, I look adorable " it's getting to be a bit much.
But those of us who really care what Sawyer's next nickname will be, or how Locke will get instructions from Richard with all that pesky time shifting taking place, WE will do our duty without hesitation. We will put on our snow boots, and our long underwear, and our wool socks, and our big sweaters, and our winter coats, and our hats, and our mittens, and our scarves, and we will trek out into the elements and travel far and wide to a gathering place, welcomed by like-minded friends, to huddle around the warm and cozy glow of an HD television.
All to watch our favorite show .LOST!
Here's what went down this week, in a hydrogen bomb:
In the "real world," Desmond goes to Oxford to find Daniel's mother. Instead, he learns that Daniel seriously fucked some chick up. She is now bedridden with dementia (or time traveling?). Also, Desmond looked hotter than he ever has (am I right, ladies?). Still in the past on the island, Miles, Charlotte, and Daniel are taken hostage by some Others, who think they're with the Army. The Others want Daniel to render a leaking hydrogen bomb inert. Meanwhile, Sawyer, Juliet and Locke have two Others in their custody. One of them is a young Charles Widmore(!), who accidentally leads our friends back to camp. Locke asks to speak to Richard, while Sawyer and Juliet save Daniel. Then they all flash to another time, and Charlotte seems like she's about the bite the dust.
Here's what we learn:
- Daniel's in love with Charlotte. Duh. What big secret are you going totell us next? That Ross is in love with Rachel, and Jim is in love withPam?
- Daniel's mother is in Los Angeles where dreams come true! Do we think she is the old lady that's been helping Ben?
- I gotta buy me some of that Richard Alpert face cream!
- Charles Widmore was one of the Others on the island in 1954! HolyFucking Shit. This is HUGE! Maybe he hates Ben so much because he wasnext in line to be the "leader," and then Ben came and took that shitfrom under him?
- I miss Kate. She sure is pretty to look at.
- I totally should have auditioned for the role of the Other who holds Daniel at gunpoint. Seriously, right?
- Charlotte is dying " or already dead " from radiation/time travel poisoning.
- We learned more about the Army testing on the island. They were testinga fucking hydrogen bomb, which is pretty bonkers. Can someone refreshmy memory? Wasn't there an Army dude who was murdered in Season 1 or 2?(The guy with the Army knife?)
- The bomb was buried, but it's still leaking radiation. This may or maynot be related to the time traveling craziness. What are your thoughtson this? When the Dharma people were digging underground towards someweird, massive time-traveling energy, was that the buried bomb?
- Desmond and Penny have managed to live on the boat for years, travelingthe world and hiding from Penny's father. Also, they make cute babies.And they name them after Desmond's dead friends.
- Desmond looks HOT in that scarf.
- Daniel fucked shit up with his experiments at Oxford, and the University denies that he even worked there.
- Widmore funded Daniel's experiments at Oxford and paid for the care ofthe girl he fucked up. Widmore also " for the first time " seems like abit of a good guy when he checks on Penny's safety and tells Desmond tostay hidden.
- Latin class was useful after all.