Here at Shellway, we understand your dependency on foreign oil.

We understand your need to drive any and everywhere (even if Timmy does just live next door) has cost you dearly in the "back-pocket-money-locket" department. Working for any wage just doesn't cut it anymore. Do you really want to spend every hour of your day working for gas?

Here at Shellway, we didn't think so.

And we've come up with a solution. Oil, as you know, is very costly. Many times, a whole barrel of "the black stuff" weighs more than you or I could lift and costs as much as a small neutered dog.

 As you also know, blood is fairly hard to come by. Most of us (those you'd consider "red-blooded," "patriotic," and "Americans") contain blood. Blood, for those who may not know, is a red, thicker-than-watery fluid that comes out of us when we bleed. A whole barrel of "the red stuff" smells like animal rendering plants and can catch a fairly high price on the "black market."

Here at Shellway, we'll trade you gas for blood at a 1:1 ratio.

Need a quick gallon to speed your journey down the interstate so you can meet that "special someone"? Short on cash? No problem. Just use on of Shellway's own sanitary knives to sever a major artery and point the spouting blood into one of Shellway's own blood-collecting units. When you have entered all the blood you feel you can, just press the finishing button and your blood will be siphoned down into one of the many barrels we keep in our basement. The corresponding amount of premium gas will then be available to pump into your car. What, no woozy stumbles across the wavy pavement to check out at the counter? Nope, you're all set. Just get in your car and drive away.

Here at Shellway, we hope we've done you a service this winter season. Remember – it's still foreign oil, but at least you're not paying for it!

Thank you for continuing to use Shellway as your chosen gasoline source.