Let's create a hypothetical situation. Valentine's Day is coming up, and you've wasted what little money you had on take out food and subscriptions to amateur porn sites. In this strictly hypothetical situation, let's just say that your addiction to cheap Chinese food and Asian school girls is kind of making your girlfriend dislike you. So we can just assume that whatever you get her for Valentine's Day this year has to be really, really good. But, as I mentioned, your vices (Mr. Chin's Rice Pot and Insolent Japanese Teenage Students dot com) have rendered your pockets empty. Do not fear, I have the answer.

Before I divulge what I have discovered to be the perfect gift, you need to look in the mirror. Look deep into your eyes, into your own heart. Ask yourself: Are you in this relationship for the long haul? Because friend, after this Valentine's Day gift, you are. So if you don't think this girl could really be the one- No, if you don't KNOW you could spend the rest of your life with her (provided she gets a little more understanding about the Asian school girl thing.) then you can just stop reading now. Otherwise, Romeo, I present you with the best, and cheapest, gift to get your girlfriend for Valentine's Day- without spending a dime.

Your childhood stuffed animal. We all had one, perhaps you still have it lying in a closet or inside a trunk somewhere. If you don't have yours, that's fine, any ratty stuffed animal you can find will do. The important thing is to give it to your girlfriend and say: "When I was a kid I couldn't go anywhere without this thing. Nothing meant more to me. Then when I grew up I forgot I ever needed, depended on or loved anything so much.. And now, you showed me what those feelings mean again. You know, if you're ever going through a rough time and I can't be there- I want you to hang on to this and just know how many times I've held it close to me, and know that I wish I could be holding you right then too."*

*You may not be able to get through that entire sentence because she is most def. going to start Frenching you.