Forget blowing your hard cash on a meal out. I'll show you how to woo your wooman for pennies, son. And since all I did over winter break was sleep and watch the Food Network, I think I know what I'm talking about. Here's the one thing you need to know: the key to impressing your lady when it comes to fine dining is that it's all about presentation. Watch and learn.
All you need to cook this entire meal is a microwave and preparation time is about 8 minutes, give or take.
Boil some water for the Cup Noodles first, then let those delicious squiggly worms soak up all that warmth. While that's happening throw that Hawt Pocket into the mic for 2 minutes on high (WARNING: LET SIT IN MICROWAVE FOR AT LEAST A MINUTE SO AS NOT TO GET A FOURTH DEGREE BURN).
Your second hor d'oeurve is simple, but you may need to go to the store and actually buy this one, or steal it from a foreign roommate down the hall. It's a hummus dip and it's what we're going to use to touch upon our Middle Eastern taste. Grind up a granola bar and throw a pretzel on it and voila!
Now that the Cup Noodles are done, you need to somehow hide the fact that they are actually Cup Noodles, so take out the little carrots and peas since they're a dead giveaway. Then, to really hide that distinguishing flavor, go into the fridge and grab the two day old General Tso's leftovers and pour the sauce over the noodles in a zig-zag fashion. Then grab the chopsticks you didn't use the other night and have her use those instsead of the plastic fork you've become oh so accustomed to. Remember, presentation is key!
Lastly, to top it off and to get a little tipsy during dinner you'll provide two mimosas. Now the great thing about these little cocktails is that you can buy the cheapest champagne in the world because the taste will be masked by the orange juice mix. Fill half a champagne flute with the drink, then the other half with that strong mixer and she'll never know the entire bottle cost you $2.75 at the corner store.
And there you have it! A truly beautiful ethnic meal. You've got Asian cuisine with the noodles, general's sauce and chop sticks. You've got fine Italian comfort with your ravioli and marinara sauce and our Middle Eastern hummus. And I'm pretty sure hor d'oeurve is French for something, so we touched a lot of bases in our cross-cultural meal.