Since Feburary 30
Stay clean in public restroomsI read that the first stall is the cleanest because everyone walks past it; so logically, that's the one I piss on.
I bet the first history museum was really boring.
I ate a $6,000 pizza the other night- it was half pepperoni, half stegosaurus.
Since my Cocoa Puffs always turn my milk into chocolate milk, I thought putting Cocoa Puffs into chocolate milk might turn it into regular milk. Instead, it turned my into a diabetic.
The movie "Hotel for Dogs" could be doubly named "Buffet for Asians".
The guy who invented the word "assume" originally wanted to spell it "assyoume" but decided to go for the more subtle joke.
I don't need an iPhone because I have something just as good and much, much more inexpensive. Friends with iPhones.
Why is it that the muppet named Animal is the one that's most obviously not an animal?
The best part about breaking up with someone is moving all your porn from C:Program FilesJavaj2re1.4.2libziPacific to C:Porn.
Isn't Sierra Mist just the more specific version of Mountain Dew?
As I looked out the window I was amazed to see, from left to right, a liquor shop, hair solon, and recruitment office. I then screamed "you're not fooling anyone Uncle Sam"