Since Feburary 30

Stay clean in public restrooms
I read that the first stall is the cleanest because everyone walks past it; so logically, that's the one I piss on.
-Christopher Luyster
I bet the first history museum was really boring.
-Adam Newman
I ate a $6,000 pizza the other night- it was half pepperoni, half stegosaurus.
-Mikey K
Since my Cocoa Puffs always turn my milk into chocolate milk, I thought putting Cocoa Puffs into chocolate milk might turn it into regular milk. Instead, it turned my into a diabetic.
-Erinn Nelson
The movie "Hotel for Dogs" could be doubly named "Buffet for Asians".
-Steven K
The guy who invented the word "assume" originally wanted to spell it "assyoume" but decided to go for the more subtle joke.
-Myke Okuhara
I don't need an iPhone because I have something just as good and much, much more inexpensive. Friends with iPhones.
-Amir Blumenfeld
Why is it that the muppet named Animal is the one that's most obviously not an animal?
-Ryan Collins
The best part about breaking up with someone is moving all your porn from C:Program FilesJavaj2re1.4.2libziPacific to C:Porn.
-Ryan Adams
Isn't Sierra Mist just the more specific version of Mountain Dew?
-Kyle Dilks
As I looked out the window I was amazed to see, from left to right, a liquor shop, hair solon, and recruitment office. I then screamed "you're not fooling anyone Uncle Sam"
-Justin Webb
My dad always says "winners never quit" and i always say no shit they've already won why would they quit you moron, my dad and i don't have a good relationship…..
-Fred G