Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
Running Out of Excuses
February 4, 2009
I need an extension on my essay
because the amount of material I've uncovered in my research is very extensive, and I'd like a few extra days to study through it all so that I can present a stronger, more coherent argument.
because I had several other class assignments due today, and I'd like to have time and energy enough to put in the effort that this essay deserves.
because the college's unrecycled printer paper is an affront to Gaia, the earth mother. Did you
because Coach says he can get your skinny ass fired if you fail me out of the playoffs. Championship train, baby! Woo woo!
because okay, wow, hang on you ever wake up drunker than you went to bed?
I did not eat the food your parents sent you
that would be a selfish and totally insensitive act, and I hope you know me better than that.
I've been sick, so I haven't had much of an appetite.
I thought they sent it for me. I knew your dad back in the war, and well your generation never could understand.
You know, the Nazis used to accuse the Jews of crimes they didn't commit. Does that remind you of anyone,
Mister Adolf Hitler?
I don't like Guatemalan food. I don't even like Guatemalan people.
We should have sex
because you're the most amazing, wonderful person I've ever known, and I only want to be with you, now and forever.
because after the accident, I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to get close to another person ever again. Until I found you.
please oh please oh pleeeeeeaasseee (sobbing) I'm so looooonnelllllly
because as long as you're trapped in
basement you're going to live by
I didn't go to the blood drive
because I'm anemic.
because I'm hang on, let me pull up their website yeah, anemic, that's it.
Two words: Robo-
Dread Lord Xenoth gives no blood. Dread Lord Xenoth
Turns out you can just buy fruit juice and cookies at the store!
I got you a gift certificate to Spencer's Gifts for your birthday
I don't know that much about you, but I know you look like an asshole.
We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.