Tastes like snozzberries.

I got punched in the face last week and it really hurt my feelings. Especially the feelings in my face.
-Mark S
I think that if I were to brainstorm action movie titles, I would just open my Physics book. Look, page 24, and we already have SIGMA FORCE and MASS ACCELERATION.
-Eric H.
I'm not a stalker. I'm a freelance anthropologist.
-Tommunist Tomlet
I bought an Amazon Kindle this week because I'm always looking for new and cutting-edge ways to not read.
-Patrick Cassels
Chemistry class
I was falling asleep in chemistry class when the professor called on me if I knew the chemical formula for nitrous oxide. I was mad that he woke me up so I screamed, "NO!" and somehow I got an A.
-Paul LaCount
All Rorschach tests look the same to me. It looks like a bunch of ink on a sheet of paper. And the ink is killing people.
-Tory Terzian
Only really poor people buy lottery tickets, and i guess really really rich people too.
-Marty Reggi
Why is it that when I watch all the seasons of South Park back-to-back, it's called a "marathon," yet when I run 26 miles and stab 15 people along the way, it's called a "spree?"
-James Turner
Misguided priorities
When I consider having a friend with benefits I usually hope that the benefits are extra vacation days.
-Jesse Grief
I think I'm going to reproduce with a rabbit, just to see what all the talk is about.
-Justin Machnicki
Campus Advertising
When I first saw the poster on campus for "The Vagina Monologues" I really wanted to see it. But then I saw that it said "Monologues."
-Josh Carter
I think crutches are the devil's way of saying, "Hurt yourself more, because these are fun to play on."
-Rodney Mallari
Most people are below average.
-Brad R