This week, Dancing with the Stars announced their 'stars' for next season.  Among them?  Everyone's favorite drug addict and all around insane person, Steve-O.  Which sounds like the beginning of a wacky movie where a bunch of producers shrug at each other and say 'what could possibly go wrong?'  HINT:  Everything.  Everything could go wrong. (DListed)

On to less retarded news!

Or not.  Chris Brown was arrested Sunday night after beating the crap out of girlfriend Rihanna over a text message.  Medics responding to the scene called it 'horrific.'  To be fair, the fight took place at a drive-in theatre playing non-stop Disaster Movie, so its unclear what the medics were referring to. (IDLYITW, DListed, WWTDD)

To add to this mess, Terrence Howard was asked yesterday about the situation and said 'It's just life man.  Chris is a great guy.  Rihanna knows he loves her.'  Almost immediately, he retracted his statement, saying he was unaware of the full situation.  If he had known, he would have just thought this instead of saying it out loud. (DListed)
Things are looking up for Christian Bale after last week's feeding frenzy.  This week, we learned the DP Bale railed against was generally hated on set, and Ron Howard even went on Howard Stern to defend Bale's tirade.  Boooooo.  I liked it better when he was a crazy asshole.  Oh well.  At least we have Joaquin Phoenix. (WWTDD, IDLYITW)

Alright, enough of this serious shit.  It's time for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition!  Bar Refaeli graced the cover, while some other chick named Brooklyn Decker got bodypainted Christopher Columbus style.  For whatever reason.  Oh SI, you never disappoint. (Hollywood Tuna, Egotastic)

Forbes Magazine released their list of the top 20 bankable stars this week, and Will Smith topped the list with a perfect score.  Although that's not too shocking.  What IS shocking is that the Fresh Prince is effing 40 YEARS OLD!!  When did that happen (WWTDD)

Cleave of the week!  This week was a no brainer, and I'm not just referring to the girl in question. (zing!)  Katy Perry wins it this week with some epic cleavage, and I'm sure we haven't seen the last of her. (Egotastic)

35 year old Paul Walker got engaged this week to his 19 year old girlfriend, who was just 16 when they started dating.  Score one for statutory rape!  Score TWO for Paul Walker.  Someone's keeping score, right? (WWTDD)

This week, Spice Girl Mel B. was awarded $50k a month in child support from baby daddy Eddie Murphy.  $50k a month!?  That's the total profits from Meet Dave every month!  Calm down, Judge Jenerous.  You do realize that college doesn't cost a billion dollars, right?  (Celebslam)

The trailer for new Quentin Tarantino movie Inglourious Basterds went online this week, and FINALLY someone made a movie about NAZIS.  Take forever, why dontcha.  At least this one looks badass, and won't make me want to kill myself afterwards (ahem The Reader).  Plus, it costars The Office's BJ Novak! (DListed)

Salma Hayek was in Sierra Leone this week, visiting with the less fortunate, and ended up breastfeeding some lady's baby.  Ok, that's super gross right?  It's some random kid sucking on your boob!  On second thought, that just sounds like senior year of college, AMIRITE!? (IDLYITW)

Oompa Loompa Doopity Dine0210.  Girls are fucking orange on the set of ok you see what's happening here.  (Hollywood Tuna)

And last but not least, this week's Still Got It.  This week's race was packed with contenders, from chubby Kelly Clarkson to fat Chris Tucker to old Harrison Ford to Michelle 'I'm gonna eat you' Obama.  But only one contender had a double offense this week.  Congratulations, Mischa Barton.  You've still got it times two.  Big win for the Bartster! (IDLYITW, Celebslam, WWTDD, Hollywood Tuna)