Did someone say, "Help!"
Kill the cheerleader, save the series.
America's Funniest Home Videos should be renamed America Thinks This Sh*t Is Funny But Hasn't Seen It On A Giant Tape.
My '88 Honda CivicMy car has been making all sorts of noises lately. From my steering column being squeaky to my vibrating muffler to whatever the hell that noise in my engine is, I can't even drown it out with my stereo anymore. It really sucks because I'm not sure I have the money for louder speakers.
The road to diabetes will be sweet.
RaceI finished a race that ended at the Norway-Finland border. So you might say I crossed the Finnish line.
The hippie and the prosecutorMy mom was a hippie and my dad a prosecutor. Sometimes people say, Like Dharma & Greg! Yeah, except it sucked FOR REAL.
Getting fined is like having to donate to a really shitty charity.
I spilled spot remover on my dog, it died.
I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
A lady told me she was worried about her husband getting shipped to Iraq. I told her not to worry, you're more likely to die in a plane crash than at war. What I didn't know was that he is in the Air Force.
Group HugsJust extremely softcore orgies.
I have a recurring dream where I am driving a bus, except the bus is shaped like my dad and is telling me I'm not good enough for it. I wonder what it means.
If Beyonce was actually a boy she would lose all her male fans.
I used to have what's called Napoleon's Syndrome because I was short and liked to argue. Now I have what's called being a dick.