Some people say that life imitates art. Although, some people say that art imitates life. And some people say, "Fuck you, asshole! Life totally imitates art!" And some people say, "Are you for real? If art doesn't imitate life, then you can suck my fucking cock, cocksucker!"

In any case, when it comes to art and life, there's a lot of imitating. And when it comes to the art of Lost, it seems that a lot of shit is being discovered in Los Angeles. As for my life, I just moved to Los Angeles this week! (Which is why I was unable to write last week. Apologies!)

This parallel between my life and the tv show Lost hardly seemed coincidental until my movers showed up. I opened the door to a nice Arabman who said, "Are you Alison?"

I said, "Yes."

And he said, "Hello, Alison. My name is Sayid."

No joke!

Anyway, here's what went down this week, in a chilly coffin:

Eloise shows the gang The Lamppost (the Dharma station underneath a church in Los Angeles with a giant pendulum and lots of equations.) She explains how they can get back to the island. Jack visits his Granddad and gets his father's shoes. Kate – in a tizzy over something that happened to Aaron – suddenly wants to go back to the island, too. Ben somehow gets beat up. Jack gets Locke's body, and the whole group gets on a plane to Guam, knowing that it will bring them to the island. Hurley is there, too, asis Sayid (in custody), but we're not sure how. Turns out the pilot is our good friend Frank, who was in the dark about this whole plan. The plane hits turbulence, there's a flash, and Hurley, Jack, and Kate wake up on the island -in the 70s – and they see Jin in a Dharma suit!

Here's what we learn:
  1. The Lamppost, like the island, is one of the pockets of electromagnetic energy that exist on Earth. It's where the Dharma Initiative figured out how to get to the island. Some "fellow" realized that there are portals that open temporarily. They can be predicted with at least some accuracy.
  2. Jack's granddad is awesome. Old funny dudes who want to escape nursing homes are awesome.
  3. Sayid is in custody for something. Really, Sayid? You can kill a man with a pencil and your toe, and you can't escape from this chick?
  4. Even if the island isn't done with Desmond, Desmond is done with the island. He brings up a good possibility, too. Maybe they ARE being used as pawns in a game. Maybe they are being tricked into thinking they must go back when they really don't need to. Remember when Ben told Widmore that he broke the rules of the game? Maybe they are just lab rats in a crazy experiment. Remember the giant Skinner boxes that Kate and Sawyer were put in? Kinda makes you think…
  5. That kiss from an earlier preview finally happened between Jack and Kate. Yay!
  6. Open an episode in a way reminiscent of Episode One, and you have our attention!
  7. Circumstances need to be as similar as possible to the first plane crash. Otherwise, the results are unpredictable. Uh-oh.
  8. John Locke committed suicide.
  9. Rather than the rigmarole of physically gathering everyone to return to the island, why doesn't Ben just send out an Evite?
  10. Ben makes great jokes under stress. "How can you read?" "My mother taught me."
  11. There wasn't necessarily a crash before they landed on the island this time. Bonkers.
  12. We obviously know that Locke is rising from the dead, so the coffin will be empty. This is something I wanted to talk more about. Because when Jack saw his father's coffin after the plane crash, it was empty. The writers led us to believe that maybe this was because Oceanic never sent the body (Remember the ticket agent gave Jack a hard time at the airport in Season One?) But now, we know that the coffin was empty because Christian actually rose from the dead. In other words, Christian is not an apparition. He's real. Goooooosebumps.