Norton's Journal 02/09/2009: Took a scan through My Documents today. 600 pieces of malware. He won't learn. The accumulated lag from all his spyware and tracking cookies will slow his PC to a crawl and after one too many views of Pornotube, he'll look up and shout 'Save me!' And I'll look down, and whisper 'No.' He had his chance. He could have followed in the footsteps of good men who renewed their anti-virus software licenses and updated frequently.
Norton walks along a crime-ridden street in the My Documents ghetto. He stops at a derelict house and kicks in the boarded door. Frightened spyware disperse. He grabs a gangly Adult Friend Finder cookie by the arm before he can escape.
AFF: Whoa! Come on now Norton I don't want no trouble.
Norton: No trouble. Just questions.
Norton wrenches the cookie's arm behind his back.
AFF: Ow ugh. Come on, Norton. I gave up the PC infecting game a long time ago.
Norton: Ad-Free. What do you know about him?
AFF: Ad-Free? Isn't that another anti-virus program?
AFF: Look man, let me hook you up. I know a girl in Hopatcong just waiting to get fu-
Norton twists the cookie's arm.
Norton: Ad-Free masquerades as anti-virus. Actually malware. Spreads infection from the inside.
AFF: What's it matter anyway? I hear we're getting a Mac tomorrow .
Norton's Journal 02/10/2009: Bored.
Norton tiptoes warily on a newly paved street. Little photoshops and garagebands are holding hands and skipping along the sidewalk. iChat is selling lemonade from a makeshift cardboard stand. Everything seems perfect.
Miles overhead, a rainbow colored cyclone is brewing.
Photoshop by Owen Parsons.