Question: "What is the opposite of fun?"

Answer: Themed Sorority Crush Parties

            Most men in college or recently graduated men know how much fun you won't have by attending a sorority crush party. I specified recently graduated men because the creepy old men at the bar who graduated 20 years ago seem to have a great time…

            There are multiple reasons why these oh-so-clever themed parties at the bar always seem to disappoint the male populus and here are a few reasons why;

1. The girl to guy ratio is overwhelmingly not in the men's favor. Finding an attractive female to dance with is like searching for a piece of chicken in Campbells chicken noodle soup BEFORE they made the new version.

2. There is no such thing as a "buzzed or tipsy" girl at the party. The younger girls cannot drink, and many of the older ones are "Sober Monitors." The older girls are only there for the 15 minutes they can hold themselves up after pre-gaming with their sex-on-the-beach pitchers. There is no happy medium, they are either completely sober or more messed up than Rihanna's face after Chris Brown got a hold of her… Too soon?

3. Girls spend the majority of the party either: a. Crying in the bathroom, because their boyfriend is in the other room dancing with that slut Amber, who they never even liked anyway and tried to get her kicked out of the sorority last year by telling the cops she did coke and writing nasty wall posts on her facebook page with a fake account!… or b. They are all dancing in a "Dane Cook circle" around their shoes screaming the lyrics to Britney Spears and taking pictures of themselves with pursed lips.

4. "No guy ever dresses in the theme for the party!" *This one was given to me last night by a drunk sorority girl dressed as "Topanga." You have to represent the ladies point of view as well guys…

5. It's a lose/ lose situation. If you go to the party, then you have to endure 100 whiny sorority girls all night, and if you don't go to the party then you have to endure 100 whiny girls the next day because you didn't show up.

            Sorority crush parties are the opposite of fun, and anyone who begs to differ can feel free to come along with me next week to the "Movie Character" themed crush party and try to count every "Edward Cullen" and "Juno" who walk through the door.


Theo Hall