Adam Ruins Everything
Jake and Amir
February 24, 2009
18 to party, 21 to party legally.
I overheard a guy say that he was knee-deep in pussy. I was really impressed; I didn't even realize you could go in foot first.
The road to Amish country is paved with good intentions.
People complain that the only two constants in this world are death and taxes, but it's just not true. The kid I hit with my car never paid taxes.
Fur is murder, especially when it's human fur.
Whenever I buy Wendy's chili, I just pour it directly into the toilet. It's like time-traveling 20 minutes into the future.
I want to catch a freight car and carry a bindle, no hobo.
The recession is so bad
I had to stop shopping at the dollar store and switch to the Canadian dollar store.
My high school chess club was actually pretty similar to fight club. We both had the same first rule and the members generally got beaten up a lot.
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We like you. Do you like us too?
Don't ask me again.