Drug Equivalent: Marijuana

Similarities: Not harmful on its own, but can lead to more serious addictions. Increases consumption of Cheetos and Mountain Dew.

Explanation: You start off just experimenting; watching a little Dragonball Z socially never hurt anyone, right? But you like it. You like it a lot. You start watching it by yourself. You start watching it instead of hanging out with your friends. You have to watch "Akira" before going to class or you can't function. You get bored. You catch yourself wondering what the characters would look like naked. You do a Google search.

Congratulations! You beat off to cartoons.


Drug Equivalent: Ecstasy

Similarities: Fun initially, but makes holes in your brain.

Explanation: You're probably not going to hurt yourself looking at a Lolcat or two, but keep at it and you'll completely rot your brain. What seems fun at first will eventually result in sensory overload and decay your sense of humor. Months after the joke is killed, you'll continue sending Lolcats to your friends. You will lose touch with the rules of grammar. All your sentences will begin with "I is." Everyone will hate you.

Chain Mail

Drug Equivalent: Cigarettes

Similarities: Were at one time more popular, now generally looked down upon. Will slowly kill you and those around you.

Your parents always warned you against them, but as you get older, you fall into temptation. All the cool kids are sending each other Facebook spam; why shouldn't you get in on the fun? Isn't it worth annoying a few people just in case rabid wolverines really are going to eat your face? It seems so at first. But as time goes on, your wall gets more and more polluted. Eventually it gives you cancer. Then you die.

You should have taken your chances with the wolverines.

World of Warcraft

Drug Equivalent: Cocaine

Similarities: Heavy users rarely sleep. It's expensive. Employers don't want to hire addicts.

Explanation: You said you'd never play it, but you cave into the peer pressure. You start off as a "casual" player and are only at it a few hours a night. You can't keep up with your friends. You start sleeping less to catch up. On top of the $14.95 monthly subscription fee, you start buying high-end items on ebay. You begin arriving late to work. You stop going to work. You get fired. Your girlfriend leaves you. You don't care because you just got your epic mount. You die alone.

Fan Fiction

Drug Equivalent: Mushrooms

Similarities: Users live in an alternate reality.

Explanation: You like Harry Potter. Scratch that, you love Harry Potter. So much so that the books and movies alone cannot satisfy your craving for wizardry. You decide to create your own little Harry Potter world. You write tales of Harry and Ron's misadventures. You decide to take it a little further. You make Harry and Ron kiss. Now they're having buttsex. You post it on the internet. Other people join you. Together, you bastardize every character in every movie ever.

Chuck Norris Facts

Drug Equivalent: Jenkem

Similarities: Everything.

Explanation: Both are fictitious and shitty.