It is Friday 4:30 pm, class has just gotten out of an unknown college in an unknown town. The campus bar is full of students excited to start the weekend off right. One such student, a pimped out Guido in the finest Gucci shirt and designer jeans walks through the door of the bar. His spiked hair stands with the strength of industrial steel. Every strand is rigid and at attention. The overly bronzed, orange skin glows as he enters the bar. As he walks through the crowded room, he checks out every piece of ass he passes but his attention soon shifts to farther down the bar as a loud, beligerant voice interrupts his leering at a particularly hot skank.
"Fack ya the fackin sacks aaa the best team in tha fackin wald! Janathan Papelban is tha greatest closa eva, fuck that Rivera guy and fack tha Yankees! Jeta can suck my nats!
The voice dies down as people call from throughout the bar for him to shut the fuck up and the Guido moves farther into the room. Every seat in the bar is taken with the exception of one in the far corner. As the Guido approaches he sees douchebag sitting next to the open seat. He realizes now that this asshole is the source of the annoying yelling from a moment ago. He is slightly overweight wearing two non-matching Poloes with their collars popped. Sitting on top of a head of sweaty, unwashed hair, is a backwards blue hat with the red letter B. The hat is from Boston. Its wearer is a Masshole.
Masshole: Ah Mathafacka.
Guido: No one's sittin' here are they lawdass?
Masshole: nah, but there's otha spats in tha bah.
Guido: What the fuck's ya problem you fat Boston fuck? You should be glad to be in the presence of a god like me, if you'we lucky, some of my awesomeness will rub off on your sorry ass.
Masshole: It's not your asomeness, it's that fackin spray on tan shit that I'm warried about.
Guido: This tan shit makes me look like the god that I am. Not some homo with a popped colla who hasn't showad since the Red Fags won their first series.
Masshole: I'm the homo? Yau're the one dressed like a bitch. Did yaur girlfriend get mad when you stal ha shart?
Masshole: Ya tha one with those big fackin bitch tits poking through ya fackin blouse.
Guido: These are my pecks you fuck. They're perfectly sculpted from when I get my swell on at the gym. Hoes love em.
Masshole: Whateva man, ya're a douchebag, all ya hair gel wearin guidos aa.
Guido: You massholes are the douches, everyone says so.
Masshole: Nah, everyone says it about you guido homos.
Guido: Wait, you don't think
Guido: Wveryone's always dick to me, but I know it's because they're jealous of my shit.
Masshole: I always get shit, but I always thought it was cuz I was lookin fackin balla.
Guido: Oh god, the world thinks we're douchebags.
Masshole: Fack me!
Guido: All I ever wanted was to look fuckin pimp and bang all the pussy I could find, but it's so hawd sometimes.
Masshole: I know brah.
Masshole and Guido stand up and embrace tightly. Guido's spiky hair digs deeply into the side Masshole's face. Masshole does not notice. Masshole's tight embrace wrinkles the delicate folds of Guido's Gucci shirt but Guido doesn't care.