Every era has its own fad. In the 80's you had tall hair, porkpie hats, Mollie Ringwald's breasts and teen film dramas (i.e. anything with Molly Ringwald's breasts in it). In the 90's we had gangsta rap, a push for video games, alternative music & grimey clothes. In the 21st century however, things are shaping up to be fucking annoying. In response to the large push for every pre-pubescent teen to be just like Bam Margera or some other pseudo skate hero, I'm providing this guide to allow group think for every teenager that wishes to be completely homogenous. If you're not sporting these styles and you just happen to have a skateboard in your hand or in your $300 skateboard tote bag, you're just not getting the point.
Tight pants in unreasonable situations
Where to find them Well, you have to find the right type of denim because you can't simply have polyester pants or khakis and expect them to reach the required amount of ball-bursting tightness with a couple of washes on the incendiary wash setting. Try to shoot for Levi's 511 skinny jeans or something similar. Make sure to buy a pair that are at least 2 sizes smaller than what you can reasonably wear at the moment. Don't worry, you'll grow into them because the muscles in your legs will atrophy from the lack of blood flow.
Sagging of said tight pants
Now that you have the pants and you've shrunk them 4 sizes small, you're going to need to know just exactly how to wear them. When you put your pants on, make sure to sag them just enough to show the brand name on your underwear and not too much to show the crack of your ass. However, you'd better keep an eye out because you never know if what you're doing is illegal.
Keeping it real with the headgear
Now, to create a decent addition to your ensemble, you'll need to have a hat that properly conveys your feeling, goals and overall, your personal message to the "man". You can find any of these high quality fitted hats in any Lids or New Era warehouse store.
How to properly wear them- If you're supposed to look like you know what you're doing, you'll know that you can't waste any effort wearing the cap the normal way. To achieve the proper look, you'll have to slant your hat slightly and tip it up. To understand exactly what I'm talking about take a look at the diagram:
You'll notice that the hat is slanted about 20-22 degrees to the right. Keep in mind, that once you find the right hat to fit your style, hold onto it like you would your dick in the shower or else you could end up like this.
Finding the right hoodie for your outfit
The hoodie is the most important part of the outfit and you must remember that. To get the right look you must have the most ridiculous looking, piece of material you can drape over your shoulders. To get the right look, just think of Andy Warhol mixed with Picasso, that should give you a decent idea of what look to go for. Keep an eye out for hoodies that have trendy pop culture references on them. They can contain street signs, police badges, broccoli, babies vomiting, anything that seems "underground and/or gross. Make sure the hoodie you purchase is at least 2 sizes too large to further offset the size of your legs that look like pop-sickle sticks now.
Finding the right shoes
Shoes are the final piece of the perfect skater outfit. Here are a few key points to remember about picking the right shoes :
You must always have shoes that cost more than 4 times the amount of a normal pair of crap shoes from Payless.
Will the shoes you buy look like they're not tied? The shoes you ultimately buy must look as if someone flayed them open with a steak knife. Nice and wide, maybe close to an EEEEE in width.
The shoes absolutely must have some skate company's logo on the side of them. The bigger the logo, the more money you'll get via corporate sponsorship when you break it big like Shaun White or Tony Hawk.
The shoes must ALWAYS be capable of being waxed up and used for grinding on those curbs.