Reading can be fun. Oh wait, that's water slides.

I don't know which fate is worse: No longer being able to wear those millennium New Years novelty glasses after 2010, or having eyes so deformed you can.
-Patrick Cassels
Bliss
If ignorance is bliss, why does the KKK always seem so angry?
-Dustin Davis
I feel like Cesar Millan is just a very specific version of The Beastmaster.
-Jenny Gustafson
It's ironic that I make instant oatmeal but then don't do crap for an hour.
-Linda Gresham
Koala bears
Do you know what koala bears do when the forest burns? They burn, too.
-Wojtek Bryniak
I just got my first tattoo and it really hurt. I think next time I'll use colder water to put it on.
-Max Spencer
True Love
My girlfriend said she couldn't live without me, which didn't make me feel that great. I think she would have said that to any guy performing CPR.
-Tyler Justice
I wrote a gospel hymn the other day. It was just the Charles in Charge theme song with "God" substituted for "Charles."
-AC 2Smart