Many students live in pure poverty. Halt the water works about being broke, because no one cares. Stop calling your ex like it's the job you can't even get, because with no income all you can save is face. Here are some tips to help you budget:

Bottle a Beer: Liquidate liquid cocaine and start smuggling alcohol prohibition styles. Remember when you would transfer alch into a water bottle to inconspicuously get drunk in a park? Resurface this past time. You can leave the park party behind but portable booze is one for the road.
 
Uncover: Stop paying cover charges. Take your bootlegged box of wine elsewhere, because doing the robot to Intergalactic is not worth $15.

Live Off Government Money: You may be incompetent enough to work at AIG. There is no (tons of) shame in working for a company that defines moral and literal bankruptcy. The company is a cash cow for government money and cultural adaptation has given you the enzyme to digest milk: drink it. Retention bonus of millions to follow. Never show your face in public again.

Diet Spaghetti, tomato sauce, and smoking are main staples of a cash conscious diet. If you haven't started smoking, you should*. Scared of getting cancer? The only thing to fear is fear itself…and maybe cancer. But who the hell thinks that far ahead.
*No you shouldn't

Bouncing Being a bouncer requires negligible qualifications and is a great way to get paid in straight cash. Bouncing is something you can do so your cheques don't.

Peel an Orange in One Peel: This won't help you save money, but makes beautiful compost.

Women's Work. No, not stripping, because the only monetary transaction involved when you take off your clothes is the indecent exposure fine. Try menial work that involves answering phones, filing and inappropriate sexual tension with your 60 year old boss. It's blades of boring but a great way to earn a slow but steady paycheck.

Tax time: Taxes are drier than an Amish wedding but instead of postponing the inevitable, just deal with them now and accumulate dough. Sweet sweet dough.

Craigslist: "Me want slave" might be politically and grammatically incorrect, but who died and made you president Webster. Craigslist has some shoddy postings, but a few hidden gems can lead to gigs that pay $50. Also, you can resell anything, like used thumb tacks or a time machine (actual postings). 

A penny saved is a penny earned. That saying doesn't really make cents. Good luck being thrifty!