Here is a convenient guide for anyone who flips to a channel and sees a clip of a show that fits one of the four descriptions below, and wants to know a douchebag from the internets generalized guess on what is taking place and why. I would be worried that this dumb introduction would turn you off from the actual article f I wasn't so sure that you would skip over it anyway. And because you have definitely stopped reading it by now, let me say this: dingleberry.
Another body just turned up
"We found this mass of the killer's pubic hair right near the body. I'm running it through the instantaneous national pubic hair GPS database Oh my god. The killer is somewhere in this building. Thank God us forensic scientists are armed."