With an upcomming birthday on the horizon i have to ask myself is it really worth celebrating? Sure birthdays are festive and a great time for all. But when you think about it should all be celebrated?
years 1 to 11- Everyone of these birthdays deserve a party.In the beginning its an excuse to eat cake with reletives you have only met at a wedding before leaving your cheeks that shade of purple that can only be obtained by great aunts in their 50s wearing perfume endorsed by Audry Hepburn and rings that make you beleive she played in a Super Bowl fingers. Or, have your entire class (because its mean to leave out the kid who wets himself, the nervous farter, the girl who thinks shes a dog, and the kid who has boogers covering the bottom of his desk) over for a party. But what does that get you? A spot on the carpet, a smell embedded into the couch forever, a chewed up pair of shoes you left by the door and a ruined coffee table. Maybe those birthdays should be forgotten. But with both scinarios you recieve tons of cool gifts.
12 to 15- Everyone of these Birthdays revlove around social standings. Even the smallest of details count. Nothing goes right, family members send you gifts that are never useful at first, but great once you turn the ugly sweater into a hiding place for a nickel bag or mini bar sized bottles of Vodka, the closet space saver shelves into porn libraries, or find out the pair of binoculars go great with the view or your 19 year old neighbors bedroom. Most importantly for these days, you hate your parents and every nice thing they do for your own spoiled punk ass.
16, sweet 16. When dreams are actualized. The day movies are written about. But most importantly the day where shame is hidden for failing the drive test for the first time. The day when the largest zit in the world appears to ruin the chance you once believed you had with your crush, who you over hear talking with their friends how much your party sucks. But hey, you have on fancy clothes so its all good!
17, Just another stop before adulthood. The day your parents inform you you need to buckle down. But you can finally get into R rated movies. A treat you use instantly to see breast in a film about college youths causeing you to hide an errection while exiting the cinima.
18 Adulthood! you can vote, buy porn, smoke. Your left face down on the couch after getting torn up with your friends the night before. Not to mention the gifts, luggage woo!, your parents way of telling you get the fuck out! a laptop, or $600 porn machine. And to top it off the Selective Services registration form that makes you think "man i hope we declare war on Hawiaii"
But 19 is the worst.
No milestone, cant drink yet (legally), your no more legal to do anything then when your turned 18. College is kicking your ass. Every dime you recieve is to pay off the desk in your dorm that has to be replaced or fix the laptop that you tell your parents "a friend" was looking at porn on causing it to crash. and worse, technically your still a teenager. Wke me when im 20.