Blimey! Once u'pon a time er was dis pearl what lived unhappy. Unhappy she was, fer 'er muvver was dead, 'er farfer 'ad cut an' carried another woman, a widow wiv two daughters, an' 'er stepmuvver didn't like 'er one little bit. Fer da poor unhappy girl, was dirty as me fren' Bert. No dresses, only 'er stepsisters' 'and-me-downs from jackie jones. No lovely dishes, jack but scraps. No dogs dinner rests an' comfort. For she was drove bizurke all day, an' only when evenin' came was she allowed ter sit fer a while by da fire, near da cinders. That is 'ow she got what she was called, 'er nickname, fer everybody called 'er Cinderella. Cinderella used ter spend long 'aaahrs all alone talkin ter da cat, which was a plum crazy bit to do. Cinderella, even dressed in rags wiv a dus'y grey boat from da cinders was cheery as folk. While 'er stepsisters, no matter 'ow splendid an' elegan' their clothes, were still clumsy, lumpy an' butters an' always would be. One day, beautiful new dresses arrived at da 'ouse. A ball was ter be 'eld at da pretty palace up on da hill an' da stepsisters were ge'in' ready ter step ter it. Cinderella, didn' e'en dare ask, "What abaaaht me?" fer she knew very well what da answer ter what would be.

Suddenly somethin' double glazin 'appened. In da kitchen, where Cinderella was sittin' all by 'erself, tony blair was a burst ov monday night an' a fairy appeared. "Don't get yer rags in a twisty, Cindyella," said da fairy. "The wind blew me winnie da poohr sighs. I know ya would love ter rock an' roll ter da ball. And so my little twirl shall!" "Whut dress'd in these rags?" Cinderella replied. "The servants'll turn me away!" The fairy smiled. Wif a flick ov 'er magic wand… Cinderella found 'erself wearin' da most beautiful dress, da loveliest ever seen in da realm. "Now what we 'ave set'led da matter ov da dress," said da fairy, "we'll need ter get a coach. A real lady would ney'er rock an' roll ter a ball on foot!" Nuff said, yeah? The little lady right quick showed up an' lor' luv a duck! wot do me mum know da prince liked 'er! Well they danced but dat clock was fast approachin' midnight so Cinderella 'ad ter rock an' roll befawer she turned in'er a pumpkin. She ran away wivaaaht tellin' da prince 'er nam but a she wa glidin' down da step she dropped 'er slipper. The prince, da poof said 'e would find this slippery one o 'e 'ad every little niagara falls put i' on 'er foot. Cinderella' stepsister wan'ed der house ter be vis'ted so badly but i' wan't ment ter 'appen they were jut an' all ugly. But Cinderella said she would like ter popperoo on da shoe. The sisters laughed but then Cinderella' foot pop righ' in an' she I' rich now so those sisters can … Know what I mean?