Certain habits, thoughts, and exogenous influences define a person and make them an individual. Other experiences work to homogenize rather than individualize, yielding similar sentiments to all who endure. College is one of those experiences, as is birth.
Sperm 1: Wooooo. Freedom!!! Is that a chick? Outta my way bro.
Sperm 896: Is she hot? Why is it so dark, I feel like I'm at Hollister. I'm lost and scared. I should not have come here. No pun intended. I want to go home.
Sperm 5: Is that a chick? I'm going to fertilize the shit out of her. Pound it!
Egg: Sup boys, let's dance. Play Britney Spears, "If You Seek Amy". Hehe. Say it fast: F-U *-K Me.
Sperm 18: Done and done.
Egg and Sperm talk for hours about their hopes and dreams. Stories of unrequited high school romances are shared, as are bodily fluids.
XY: Okay, honestly, not gonna lie, I lied about my scholarship to law school, I'm a freshmen and got in by default. Frankly, honestly, seriously, not gonna lie
XX: Shut up! I never believed anything you said. When you start every sentence with "not gonna lie" it means you're a liar. Most people don't need to qualify a sentence as the truth before they say it. You are totally, completely, like actually, straight up, most def, seriously, not gonna lie, a liar. I am a victim of your lies!
XY: What! It takes two to tango. And by tango I mean bang. I might not be a preppy ivy league in vitro fertilization prince charming but
XX: You still talking. Make me pancakes. I need to study, if I fail next trimester I'm dead.
XY: Me too. No options. I can't go back to the factory.
Zygote: So, it's settled, we can't go back to where we came from, time to grow up and declare a major. Actuarial science is bank. Let the learning begin.
Embryo: Math is for nerdwads, I'll just major in humanities. My self diagnosis of insomnia, ADHD, shift workers syndrome, drug addiction, migraines, family problems, mono, and irregular bowel movements is prohibiting me from studying. I'm drinking and sleeping for three days.
Fetus : I have such a stellar growth point average. No one has ever done what I've done. Ever. I fear nothing, not even death. Power nappage, drinking and epic life success to follow.
Infant: What do you mean no one cares about my GPA? Get out and go where? NOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm so comfortable, protected by amniotic fluids and no responsibility. I can't breath on my own. What are those scissors for? You're cutting me off!!! WAAAAAAAAAA. Fetal position is all I know. The womb tought me NOTHING of the real world!
Mom nuzzles baby
Baby: Mom, don't smother me. I just graduated from the womb all by myself. No help at all. Give me some respect, I've earned it. I'm drinking and sleeping for three days.