I went to Berkeley during my spring break with a friend, we'll call her Sunshine. Our plan was to meet up with another friend, we'll call her Dukes, and ride back home together. Dukes goes to Berkeley and promised to show us a good time. It was an amazing trip, however, I had one of the most interesting, awkward, and embarrassing nights ever.
We started planning our nighttime activities a few days before we arrived. Thursday we wanted to hit up the frats, but we were stuck on what to do Friday. That's when Sunshine remembered that her cousin (who had been really distant the past few months) does drag at a gay bar in San Francisco on Friday nights. You can kind of see where this is going
At first I was really reserved about going. Despite having numerous gay friends, this is definitely a fear of mine; what good could come of this? Anyways, after the girls said I'd get free drinks I figured that going probably wouldn't be that bad A lot of this was probably in my head. I also figured I'd score major brownie points for reuniting Sunshine with her long lost twin.
When I had fully accepted the fact that I was going, I figured I might as well take advantage of the situation. If I could get a guy to buy me a drink I'd prove to all the girls how easy it is. I didn't' have any nice clothes so we went shopping and I found something that looked like it could pull for gay. Maybe that's bad way of saying I tried to pick out a really nice shirt. Was I really going to try pull as a gay guy for a night? Wow Tommy, congrats
As we were about to leave, I felt ready and confident; this might not be too bad. None of the stories I've read can be that bad. And don't really good looking girls hang out at these bars? I was about to find out. Right before we step out the door, Duke's roommate looks at me and says, "you don't look gay." I'm not sure whether to take it as a compliment or not
When we arrive at the bar they're checking ID's. This wouldn't be a problem if the three of us were of age, but we're not. Sunshine talks to the bouncer, a man dressing in drag, and explains how she hasn't seen her cousin in forever and he wasn't picking up the phone when she called. She almost started crying on the side of the street. It was really impressive. The bouncer sympathizes and lets us in without checking our ID's.
Right when we walk in I start feeling nervous. I'm getting checked out. The "look of love" is coming at me from every direction. I'm scared. So what do I decide to do? Get "Tucker Max drunk." For those of you that don't know who Tucker Max is you can check out his website, its hilarious: www.tuckermax.com. I go straight to the bar and start getting smashed. Oh by the way, those really pretty girls that hang out at these places to get away from guys don't exist
We're hanging out in the back of the bar waiting for the show to begin. It was really funny because I was getting checked out by every guy walking past me. I'm starting to realize what it's like to be a girl. On the other hand, the girls are seeing what its like to be a guy. They wanted some attention too. All and all, waiting for the show to begin wasn't too bad, we were off in our own little nook and other than a couple guys brushing up against me as they walked past it wasn't too bad. The the drag show started
It quickly becomes really crowded and I decide to get a few more drinks before the show gets going. As I'm walking through the crowd of gay guys my butt is getting slapped in every which way. Guys are touching me, I'm getting freaked out. I need more beer. This is weird.
I get back to my seat and the show starts. It was hilarious. The guys or girls (they're called girls when they're in drag, something nice I learned) on stage were doing the most ridiculous routines. Basically they were lip syncing and mixing in random performance art. I was cracking up. However, every time a guy walked by me he'd sort of rub up on me and I'd squirm back into Dukes. At one point a guy asked it Dukes and I were going out. I said no and he gave me a funny look. I look at Dukes and let her know that tonight she's my girlfriend All in all it wasn't that bad; then I went to the bathroom.
I waited in line for the bathroom for about 10 minutes. Finally, I get into the bathroom and unzip my fly. I thought I was all alone, but out of nowhere 4 other guys came in. They all quickly whipped their things out. Now, this wasn't that bad, but I quickly realized that the mirror in front of us was angled down. The guys next to me were checking out each others penises. Did a gay guy just look at my penis? I started freaking out. I was so claustrophobic that I couldn't go. I zipped my fly back up and rushed out of the bathroom. Now I'm scared and violated.
I wander back to the girls. My butt is still getting touched every time I walk through the crowd. They laugh when I tell them what happened and tell me that their is a bathroom that has a lock. I think its for girls. I go there and wait in line for another 15 minutes. All of a sudden, the door opens and 2 guys come out I hold my breath, go into the bathroom, and try to do my business without touching anything. I'm freaking out by this point. I'm also quite drunk.
I walk back and the drag show is winding down. My butt is still getting slapped. I don't have a smile on my face. To my "joy" the girls have told several men and the waitress (a guy in drag) that I'm straight. The guys take advantage of it and rub my leg every time they walk by. I'm really uncomfortable. This is really weird. I feel abused. Girls can say that they get groped all the time, but nothing could ever be this bad. How many girls were groped 200 times in one night by 200 guys? I really hope this isn't common because I hated it.
The show ends and the crowds start to dissipate. My butt is getting slapped less. The girls decided we need some pictures with the drag queens. This is fine, I've had worse pictures taken of me, but the drag queens say goodbye by giving a fake kiss on the cheek goodbye. Sunshine gets a picture of this. If it goes on facebook, I'm going to kill her.
By now, I'm pretty drunk, have no self respect, feel violated, and just want to go home. Thankfully the girls agreed it was time to go to and we left.
Leaving the bar I had mixed emotions. I was happy to get free drinks and I thought the show was hilarious. It was also nice seeing the attention girls get on a regular basis. However, the bathroom emotionally scarred me. Getting groped made me feel inhuman. And I really feel the need to do something manly. I think its safe to say that I'm confused.
Did I have a good experience? No. Did I have a bad experience? No. It was just an experience. I learned from it and after this blog I don't ever want to talk about it again.