Days Since Last Accident: 0

My psychic is a gifted blind man. He has a fifth sense.
-Rick Morphew
Bikini contest? I'll be the judge of that!
-Kirk Mullen
I'm a workaholic. My boss told me that if he catches me drinking on the job again, I'm fired.
-Jay Stellers
I get confused when I hear people saying Lebron James is going to be the next Michael Jordan, because still to this date I haven't seen a single preview for Space Jam 2.
-Kyle Bradley
Emo Forrest Gump
When Forrest said life was like a box of chocolates, was he saying that life is a cheap and unoriginal present that's only truly enjoyable for a maximum of three days?
-John Brodish
Have you seen the Broadway musical "The Dictionary"?It's a play on words
-Eric Bolo
I called Gieco for a quote they told me to "seize the day"
-Craig Goble
Did You Know
Peanut butter contains the ingredient rape-seed? Which explains why my sandwhiches are always screaming.
-Devin Wall