If you haven't noticed there are few industries out there that are hiring. Some websites seem to do a bang-up job reminding us there are always sectors hiring. When those five or so sectors only hire the most specific of people with the most specific of qualifications you're reminded"Don't have your Master's in Green Engineering? You can go into our SPONSORED LINKS and find a great job!"
Well SPONSORED LINKS better do a number (Do a number?) finding jobs for these poor individuals. As much as losing a job sucks let's look at some jobs that were lost but blipped under the radar of the major news magazine. This is a list I like to call the 9 jobs that were not recession proof and possibly/probably not real.
Money Lighter Factory Worker
Lighters designed specifically for big money CEO's to light a few Ben Franklin's on fire and then use that fire to light their cigar went out of style in 2004. No wonder workers at the Littletonia, PA 'Money Lighter Factory' were not really surprised when the factory closed its doors and laid off 98% of its employees. The two workers who were not fired quit after seeing they would have to pick up the slack.
Profit Margin Graph Editor
A solid job. A solid company
until the recession and you became expendable, Profit Margin Graph Editor. The Profit Loss Graph Editor job market is thriving but the wages are meager and mostly being outsourced to OpenOffice's Calc application. That's right, even Excel is having trouble finding work. That's how bad it is out there.
Captain Monterey Parnisius's 32.99 All You Can Eat Buffet Owner/Operator
It wasn't that good and it was a Chinese Buffet. Would you have guessed it was a Chinese Buffet?
Linens and Things Intern
The first day was great, come in for a few hours and go get the staff lunch from a local Italian restaurant. Despite hearing one Full Time worker saying she was leaving and the manager continue to delay the next month's work schedule, you felt confident this would lead to a job opportunity. Then, blammo!, you get to watch as everybody comes in talking about where they sent their resume on WorkInRetail.com.
"I Can't Believe It! (Everyone's Hiring and So Are You!)" Hit Single Singer/Songwriter
It would've been a hit single. A rock opus. A queen of the electric airwaves. A puppy with big paws that would be bigger than you. Tough timing.
Circuit City Flash Mobs
"Everybody got their red shirts?"
"Yup! Let's go mess with people!"
"Why are the doors locked?!"
OOOOO snap I just realized I made fun of Linens 'n Things and misspelled their company name earlier in this article. I hope that doesn't anger anybody.
Sunoco's 4.50/gallon Gasoline Latte Marketing Coordinator
A Latte for your car sounded awesome after the Sunoco marketing staff did a taste test and dropped acid. The price was too high for most consumers. Also, the staff died. But they were all found wearing Cookie Monster costumes.
KB Toys Auditor
"What do you mean you didn't FIFO these waves of Star Wars: The Clone Wars figures? What do you mean it doesn't matter? What do you mean I'm talking to no one? What do you mean FYE isn't hiring?"
So there you have it. A nice, dark article about those of us who have fallen victim to the economy. If you or anyone you know lost a job listed above, let them now know that the world is opening up its arms to them. Your unlimited potential is all in your hands!
The hands of your Masters of Green Engineering Degree, that is.