Tamagotchi: It's been a long time, Brian.
Tamagotchi: I'm surprised you recognize me after all these years.
Me: I I had no idea you were still alive. Goes in for a hug
Tamagotchi: Don't touch me! Don't you dare F*CKING touch me.
Tamagotchi: No! Don't explain yourself to me. I've waited my whole life for this moment; to finally tell you off.
Me: I'm so sorry, Son.
Tamagotchi: Son!? SON? You think you have the right to call me that? I lived in a pile of my own sh*t for 12 years! There was no one to clean up after me.
Me: I was young. Too young to be responsible for you. I just wanted to have fun
Tamagotchi: You think this is a f*cking game? My happiness level has never been so low!
Me: Well here, have a snack.
Tamagotchi: Happily devours it
Me: Now calm down before I have to beat you.