Knock Knock

Me: Hello?

Tamagotchi: It's been a long time, Brian.

Me: Blobby!?

Tamagotchi: I'm surprised you recognize me after all these years.

I…I had no idea you were still alive. Goes in for a hug

Tamagotchi: Don't touch me! Don't you dare F*CKING touch me.

Me: But-

Tamagotchi: No! Don't explain yourself to me. I've waited my whole life for this moment; to finally tell you off.

I'm so sorry, Son.

Tamagotchi: Son!? SON? You think you have the right to call me that? I lived in a pile of my own sh*t for 12 years! There was no one to clean up after me.

I was young. Too young to be responsible for you. I just wanted to have fun…

You think this is a f*cking game? My happiness level has never been so low!

Well here, have a snack.

Tamagotchi: Happily devours it

Now calm down before I have to beat you.