Last Week on Heroes: Daphne got to play among the stars for a little while until the writers re-killed her, and Micah, who looks like he just returned from filming "Honey I Shrunk Smokey Robinson!", was exposed as REBEL.
This Week: Nathan and Claire are still lamming it as they check into a Mexican hotel where the desk clerk assumes they, you know, "like" like each other. He's all "Do you guys necessitas an hourly rate?" and Nathan's like "Gross!" and Claire's like "Yeah, gross, we're father and daughter!" and and Nathan's like " yes. that's why I said that." Also, I'm not sure what Nathan requests at Great Clips to get his hair cut like that, but I suspect it's something along the lines of "Eraserhead on top, Gump on the sides."
Meanwhile, Angela and Peter, the other band-o'-Petrellis on the run, are flying around looking for a good place to hide. And since Motherboy XXX isn't an actual thing, they settle for a Catholic church. Angela thanks her son for swooping in to save her back there, but Peter insists he only did it to get some answers. Angela's like "Well this is embarrassing I don't even have any," and Peter's like " I've made a huge mistake."
Danko arrives at a crime scene where more of his agents have been led to the slaughter and, while he's investigating the mystery killer's handiwork, the new guy's in the corner, pukin' his guts out
Danko wants to know why his subordinates are so easy to kill, and Noah's like "Maybe it has something to do with their uniforms."
When Danko walks out to his car, Sylar is waiting for him in the back seat. He's like "didn't you get the overture toward collaboration I sent you?" and Danko's like "You mean the clumsily stitched-up rabbit you left on the table?" and Sylar's like "Yes. That is what those signify." He offers to assist Danko in tracking down the mystery killer. Then Danko's like "You want any company back there, handsome?" but Sylar has already vanished into the night because he's playing Danko hot and cold.
Trying to hide his erection, Danko storms back into HQ, all "NO ONE ELSE IN THIS ROOM IS ALLOWED TO GET KILLED THAT'S AN ORDER." Then he grudgingly asks Noah what they should do next, specifying that he doesn't even want to HEAR any of that "One of us, one of them" crap. Noah's like "OK. Um one of we, one of they?" Danko reluctantly starts considering Sylar's offer, as well as what it would feel like to run his hands through that jet black hair Noah's like "Should I go? You've just removed your pants," so Danko tasks him with tracking down Angela in New York. Noah's like "Good! I still have her umbrell I mean, um, be back soon!"
Nathan and Claire have posted up in some sweaty, south-of-the-border bar and, after disappearing for a while, Claire returns clutching some money she got from selling her "necklace." Nathan's like "Sweetie that's a pretty unflattering nickname to give your vagina," but apparently she means actual jewelry. Still, Nathan isn't satisfied with the wad, insisting he can "turn it into more" before walking off toward a table full of frat guys (which, were it not for Sylar and Danko, would be the most unintentionally gay scene of the episode).
But actually it turns out Nathan plans to "drink them under the table," presumably by floating little-by-little into the air with said table, and hoping they're too fucked up to notice.
As an added incentive toward cooperation, Sylar mails Danko a box with a severed head inside. Thanks, Kevin Spacey School of Courtship!
Sylar says the killer is a shapeshifter hiding in Danko's midst, and the cut-off cranium belongs to one of his agents. The killer, realizing there are now one too many heads in the room that look the same, goes running off through a parking garage. Danko pursues but, given the murderer's superpower, is forced to accost basically everyone with a face.
Angela and Peter are still in church, and Peter's all "Mooooooom, can we go yet?" Angela, meanwhile, is reflecting on being such a raging cunt rag her whole life. She laments not being there for her son, saying "Peter, there were times when you were growing up that you were so confused," and every girlfriend Milo Ventimiglia has ever had is like "Well that's fucking obvious." Peter says no matter what, he still loves his mom, even though she's about to put that stupid-looking scarf around her head.
Nate-Dawg and the boyzz are downing thirty million shizzots APIECE, but since Nathan shaved off his drinkin' beard in Season 2, he passes the fuck out. Claire, figuring that her whole invincibility thing might actually prevent her from getting intoxicated, proceeds to drink in his stead, and it works. Somehow, she fails to see the tragedy in that. Her opponent begins to get skeptical, noting that Claire doesn't seem shitfaced, so she puts on a truly Oscar-worthy "drunk girl" act. Then she starts complaining about her life, and how Nathan hasn't been a good bio-dad, so the frat boy puts on an Oscar-worthy "passing out guy" act. Claire wins. Except in life.
Pulling what some Seinfeldian scholars refer to as "the old switcheroo," Danko surprises Sylar in his house, but doesn't even have the common courtesy to bring him any stuffed animals or giftwrapped rapists. Danko, still unsure of whether it would behoove him more to just kill Sylar instead, walks toward him with a gun. "You're my white whale," he says, and Sylar's like "Maybe I'm the goose who laid the golden egg," and Danko's like "Or maybe you're my knight in shining armor? I dunno, I'm running out of literary metaphors." He finally agrees to let Sylar help him.
After Angela ruins Peter's hate-boner for her by getting all pitiful and full of regret, he tries yelling at God instead, all "I saved the world and nobuddy threw me a parade, wahhhh." He starts cursing the heavens, and God is like "Dude, my son is the original superhero are you seriously sneering at ME?" Peter's like "Not really. This is just how my face looks." Finally he drops the hostility and just asks God to be there for him in these trying times. God's like "We'll see, nigga." Suddenly agents bust into the church, so the Petrellis run for the confessional booth. Gee, I wonder if Angela will use this opportunity to CONFESS things? This is so fucking subtle.
As Sylar and Danko rummage through the shape-shifter's apartment, they discover that he's been posing as various men of power to pick up beautiful women. They go clubbing to find him, and it turns out he's taken the shape of Danko. To pick up women. So anyway he's over in the corner talking to what I assume is a very nice necrophiliac, when he spots his pursuers and scampers off. Hopefully this situation will end with the two Dankos shouting "I'M THE REAL ONE! SHOOT HIM!!" and hopefully Sylar will just empty a clip into both.
Angela tells Peter that she originally planned to be a teacher until her powers manifested and she started having dreams of the apocalypse. No one believed her, so she learned she had to use manipulation to achieve her ends, even though in the end it cost her everything. Suddenly an agent bursts in, but it's Noah, and he spares them both.
Nathan, being that special kind of TV drunk where you sober up once you have to hold a conversation that forwards the plot, says he's going to fix everything and be a hero again. But maybe he blacked out after all, because when he wakes up the next morning and Claire's all "How we gonna save the world today, pops?" he's like "What the what?"
Finally feeling absolved of her checkered past, Angela is able to dream the future again, but remains ambiguous about what it holds. She's like "We need to get this family back together and go see my sister!" and Peter's like " Are you sure you didn't dream about Thanksgiving dinner?"
Sylar and Danko are bro-ing out all over the goddamn club as they close in on the terrified shape-shifter, who has now taken the appearance of Sylar. The real Sylar is just about to fingercapitate him when Danko says wait asking if maybe he can do it without ruining his fake Sylar face. Sylar's like "I see where your head's at!" and Danko's like "mmph you should it's on your dick! Mmph " So Sylar uses the shape-shifter to fake his own demise, allowing he and Danko to see if this thing has a real future. So romantic!
As they gaze hungrily into each other's eyes, Sylar tells Danko that his fantasy is to be the only superpowered being left on Earth. So in a plan I can't say I'm entirely opposed to, they set off to find and exterminate the entire cast.
Nathan used his watch to buy Claire's necklace back, and she's like "but I just sold my neck to buy you this chain for your watch!" Then they laugh for hours.
Bad Ass Moments:
- New love!
- "We Gotta Get Outta This Place" plays awesomely over the ending.
That's What She Said:
- "I also gotta jam something in there, right? To make it stick."
- "This is the part where you get under my skin"
- " Comin'?"
Next Week: A shovel! Some dirt!!