Me: Sorry boss, fell asleep.
Boss: I got up to get coffee, that's an absurd amount of time to fall asleep in. Did you get my mail yet?
Me: Yeah boss, got it in .2 seconds!
Boss: I asked for this 20 minutes ago.
Me: That's improbable.
Boss: It happened. This is all my mail?
Me: Results 1-5. Here, give me those back and I'll show you the next 5.
Boss: I'd like to just look at them all at the same time. And please stop playing with that hourglass.
Boss: Also, I see you didn't print the memo I asked you to.
Me: Yeah about that
Are you sure you want to print it?
Boss: Wholly and completely.
Me: Okay, it's just that
you didn't use real words. Look at this one.
Boss: That's my name.
Me: Right, here we go then. Hold on it appears you're not connected to the internet.
Boss: What? Here, let me
Me: Hey, your network configuration has changed!
Boss: Thank you, that was me changing it manually. Listen, when you're done printing can you find "gr-
Me: "Granny trannie panties?"
"green computing solutions." That must be left over from your old boss. I'm gonna need you to forget everything he ever asked of you. Can you do that?
Boss: Jesse? Jesse put the hourglass down. Okay this isn't working out. You're unresponsive; I'm going to have to-
Me: You can't fire me! (storms out of office)
Secretary: Sir, Jesse quit unexpectedly.